I’ve been working in a sex store for a couple years now and one of the things that still astounds me is that people are so damn serious about sex. Like it’s some kind of deep psychological exercise with a good heaping of existential crisis on the side just to buy a sex toy or talk about sex. Oh and believe me, it certainly can be just that, I’ve got a master’s degree in complicating the shit out of everything to prove it, but it really doesn’t have to be that way. Sex and if you’re shopping for sex toys is a truly hilarious part of many people’s lives. Like really, have you ever thought about what sex is on a physical/biological level?
One or more squishy sacks of cell compilations that when rubbed together make truly weird and ridiculous sounds and smells. These strange things we call our bodies actually get some level of pleasure from this act of, what? Sometimes rubbing, licking, biting, among other things. Let along adding a “uniquely” shaped object to increase the rubbing or vibrating. If you’re not sitting there reading this and going… well that’s fucking weird then perhaps you need to think about it more, maybe watch Black Mirror or something, because it is fucking bizarre. Great, but bizarre.
That doesn’t mean I don’t like sex or sex toys… um I work in a sex store… you kinda have to like these things or else, go get an office job. The amount of times a day I have to explain the differences between lubes and what size butt plug to begin with means that I obviously enjoy this wacko stuff to at least some degree. But do you wanna know my secret to enjoying talking about this stuff after years of doing it?
I’ve figured out how to laugh about the ludicy of the whole thing! I really do get asked this all the time: “don’t you get tired of this? Does having sex just get boring?”. Fuck no! I laugh every single day I work because if you can’t see the hilarious side of this shit then you don’t get it. Don’t be so serious dummy.
It makes it so much easier to do my job and more enjoyable of course when customers come in and they understand that it is okay to laugh, it is okay to make jokes. I do it all of the time, and not just puns out the ass too but just laughing because a packaging has a ridiculous model making a porn face to show how much anal beads makes her scream in pleasure. Or the names of some of the toys… Booty Blaster, the Great American Challenge, and of course Fuck Water. If you walk around a sex store and you're not laughing at the products or their names, well are you even looking at them?
Of course there is a difference between laughing with me as a staff member of your local sex store or laughing at me. Believe me, the Great American Challenge is 18 inches of solid purple cock that i’ve thought about using as a bludgeoning tool on more than one occasion. That said, laugh at the inanimate objects, ridiculous packaging and names but not at the people who use them or at the people in the store, working or shopping because then you’re a fucking dick. I’m sick and tired of people coming in and laughing at the anal wall because who would possibly do that… well a shit ton of people. Dude, Ottawa is the capital city of anal plugs so… the people who make fun are the ones with little imagination and are missing out on the wonderful world of booty blasting.
So laugh with me, know that making jokes is a great way of making what might be an uncomfortable experience for you into a fun one. It is literally a part of my job to make you relax and feel comfortable enough to ask me those burning questions that you’ve been dying to ask but don’t trust google to answer (for obvious reasons) and making jokes and having a good belly shaking laugh is a great way to go about it!
How can you not laugh at the Fuck Water slogan: “When spit and courage are not enough…”
That is fucking funny!