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Tip #2: I don’t know your girlfriend so why the hell would I know how to make her cum?

Wicked Wanda's Alexandria Lilith sexpert Wicked Wanda's

By: Alexandria


So this happens all the time and I really mean ALL the TIME and especially around gift-giving holidays like Valentine's Day and Christmas, usually I get a dude in and they stumble up to the counter and mutter that they need a toy for their girlfriend: “what will make her cum?”. Sometimes this scenario changes pronouns and bodies but often it is a straight dude asking for a toy to make his girlfriend happy, or to stop her from bugging him for sex all of the time (seriously, many women are animals in the sack, insatiable). At this point I try not to allow my sarcastic inner snake lady come out and with a grotesque hiss that morphs my mouth into a black hole to suck silly men into, I go: “I don’t know your girlfriend so I cannot say what will guarantee make her orgasm…”. Seems simple enough really, everyone is different in every different way so what works for myself or for another woman will not necessarily work for the person you’re buying for.


So rather then let the consumer of worlds with snakes for hair come out, I ask remarkably calm considering the hellscape behind my eyes, “well… what kind of toys do you usually use? Would she like something internal, external, or both, have you talked about what kind of toy you want to experiment with, have you spoken to her at all about this?? Surprises are great but i’m talking about a basic level of sexual communication and interactions that helps me, your friendly neighbourhood sex store staff member to narrow down the options for you. There are hundreds upon hundreds of options for all three “pick your adventure” shaped toys so to make sure we don’t spend ten thousand years looking at toys that you know she wouldn’t like, are out of the budget or whatever, let’s narrow it down. At this point, often I get the little light behind the eyes that say that there is someone home and they often will point me in the right direction for what they know works for their girlfriend or stuff they’ve never tried but wanted too, great.


However, sometimes I really do get someone in who has not talked to their partner about toys and/or one or more partners have never used toys. If you think buying food or a book is difficult for someone else, imagine one of the most intimate tools that is somewhat acceptable in our culture but still is quite secretive… not. easy. When I start asking them questions and they clearly have no idea, I almost feel a swell of pity. Our inability to talk with our partners about what turns us on and what doesn’t, about our fantasies and hard limits and so forth is a product of a toxic sexual culture of silence and shame. Communication is so important, not just to maintain a healthy relationship but also helps a buttload when you’re trying to buy something for that special someone.


Then I get the dreaded question: “well what’s the best toy”... ugh. People think it is vastly different shopping at a sex toy retail store then others but its not. Imagine walking into a clothing store and going “what’s your best shirt?” … the sales clerk would look at you like they really could see the snakes on your head. It doesn’t work that way. With so many different toys for different genitals with different uses, there is no way to nail what the Best Toy is. Let alone, what I believe is the best toy might be based on differing criteria then the person buying. Is the most expensive toy inherently the best, nope, not always. Is the most well-known toy or brand the best, and nope, not always. Let alone, the best insertable vibrator is not the same as the best clitoral toy. “Okay, well what’s the most popular?” Again, a losing question. If you’ve asked these questions in a sex store, don’t beat yourself up. These are totally normal questions to ask but they are not necessarily the best ones to ask. There are no stupid questions--except if you ask if I come with the toy, I will eat your heart and bask in your blood for such a ludicrously misogynistic garbage pick-up line. *Cough cough* going back to what is the most popular toy, this is again a matter of what kind of toy you want and from there, there is a ton of qualifying factors that depend on the person: material, shape, noise, cost, batteries or rechargeable, waterproof or not, etc. I can show you the toys I sell the most in the store but that won’t necessarily help you find the toy to make your girlfriend scream in pleasure.


Start by talking to your partner about the toys you’d like to try, the kinds of stimulation you like and don’t. For instance, if your partner is a woman, does she like more internal stuff or really just clitorial or even a combination. That helps to narrow things considerably. From there, is vibration a must and of course, what’s the budget that you both feel comfortable with. The surprise is not ruined by talking with your partner but enhanced because then you can be really confident they will like it.


However, there is no guarantees ever when it comes to buying sex toys, arguably buying anything for anyone might not work. If a store clerk or specifically a sex store staff ever tells you that 100% a sex toy will make you orgasm then they are lying to you. It is the harsh truth but it is important to stress that everyone is different so no toy is totally guaranteed to work for that person. It is my job to help you pick out a toy that is the most likely to work for you and your partner and that you feel confident in your purchase but never would I lie to a customer to get a sale. That’s not how I work and that’s not how we run our shop but not every sex store is so honest and especially online stores. That’s why it is so important to communicate with your partner or yourself if you are flying solo, because this gives yourself and me all the ammo we need to pick the best option for you.


Shop with confidence by talking to your partner or being honest with yourself, ask the staff and give enough information to allow them to help you (without you feeling uncomfortable in doing so). Ask to see the tester or the toy out of the box, I always say that “if you don’t like it in your hand, you won’t like it anywhere else”. I want you to feel confident in whatever purchase you make, so take the time to really understand the toy and what you’d like the toy to accomplish. That’s the benefit of shopping locally in store, you can talk with people who know their stuff and you can walk out with a purchase you feel good about!






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