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Why I love Pegging- A Woman’s Perspective and Exploration of BDSM

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Written by Lilith

Power, who doesn’t love it and at times deeply crave it. It is something which infuses so much of our daily lives to who we trust with our secrets, to who we elect and who we sleep with and of course how. There is nothing inherently wrong with power—if you are willing to confront the reality and at times play with it, mock it or resist it. We are constantly seeing that very tension in politics everyday but I think people grossly underestimate how much power affects our sex lives. This all to say that when I peg a man, it feels good because it feels powerful.

Of course, there is so much to unpack in that very statement. Men as a gender are given power, position and opportunities in all facets of our society and I’m sure the maninists are gonna have a field day with that but guess what… the patriarchy is alive and well. The power men hold is also seen in our sex lives, as the penetrator, often considered the initiators and when the sex act starts and finishes based on their pleasure and climax. Of course, these are generalizations but I think for many this rings true. Furthermore, some queer folks who experience their sexual lives outside of these limitations by not having sex or sexual feelings for men experience sexual patriarchy in different ways. Don’t forget trans-folks, gender-queer/ fluid, two-spirit and so forth who experience gender on a deeply different level then cis-folks do. While these identities and how they navigate sexual patriarchy and social systems which uphold them are important, (and indeed those folks are writing and talking about their own experiences better than I ever could) I am a cis woman who enjoys men and women.

It has taken many years as a sexually active person to feel comfortable enough in my own skin to not only experiment sexually but also to question what it is that turns me on, on a much deeper psychological, physical and spiritual level. How does playing with power and by example enjoying pegging allow me to dive deeper into my sexual self?

It actually started with my exploration of BDSM and Kink culture/ communities. As some of you may or may not know, BDSM is inherently at its foundations a consensual experience of power- who has it but more importantly who has given it willingly and thoughtfully to another. These relationships of power put conversations of wants, needs, boundaries and communication at the forefront of sexual experiences and the exploration of this allowed me to access a deeper knowledge of why power is sexy. In BDSM the mantra many go by is: Safe, Sane, Consensual, so when someone gives their power by submitting to another person (meaning the submissive or bottom giving power to the top or dominant), they are doing so in safe and consensual ways, with no manipulation or deceit. By giving power, all parties are engaged in an often times subconscious interaction where the submissive or bottom is acknowledged as powerful enough in the moment to give power away, or more accurately to lend their power. This creates an incredibly level of responsibility for the top or dominant who must respect that that power is not theirs to keep but rather should be cherished, cared for and given back when it is time. This dynamic is incredibly sexy because it isn’t about sexist, racist, ableist, and the list goes on, but rather is about acknowledging that everyone has some level of power and responsibility to each other in acknowledging that. It isn’t just building confidence in your partner/s but rather a much deeper connection to a person that cannot be created quickly but takes time and care.

All that to say that in my experience, having a man give his immense power and trust to me to peg him is incredibly rewarding. This is not to say that pegging is inherently kinky for many do not consider it so. But more so, exploring BDSM has led to an exploration of power within sex and sexuality for me. While it is rewarding in physical ways, seeing someone squim under you and driving them wild, it is also rewarding on a deeply emotional level as well. Of course, some folks don’t feel that level of intensity, from it being a regular thing or a multitude of other reasons but I love it.

Pegging and pegging a beginner is also a labour of love (whether you love the person or not) because it requires a lot of time and patience. There is no shortcuts, rather taking the time is not only necessary but makes the whole process so rewarding. Blah, Blah, Blah cheesy line about the destination doesn’t matter but the journey—which is true but also the destination is pretty friggin’ great too.

This blog is inspired by how often I get asked why anyone would want to peg a man. It’s simple; it is both fun and psychologically fascinating. Try it out sometime, find the right partner and have those awkward conversations because it is so worth it.

Lilith.

 

If you are interested in exploring pegging, check out this great beginner kit and don’t forget the lube!



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