Anal sex has a bit of a reputation. There are so many reasons why people don’t do it. People attach meaning to where none should be because of religion, upbringing and our culture. Men who identify as straight often have a hard time allowing their partner to touch them there because they think it will mean they are gay or effeminate. This is ridiculous. It’s an area of the body that is rich with nerve endings that can yield a great deal of pleasure. If you are going to use the reasoning that having anal sex will make you gay, you can say goodbye to blow jobs, kissing and all the other things you do in the bedroom because gay men do those too. Women may not allow anal sex either. They often fear being judged as bad girls if they do it. Some people also believe that the anus is unclean or incorrectly fear AIDS or other STIs (even while using condoms). Others fear that anal sex will be painful. Much of that may be based on past attempts, as well as where people were unprepared for how to safely approach anal sex. What it comes down to is: this is your body. If you would like to explore it, that is your choice. Here are some tips to have the most fun with this.
This is one area where you really should educate yourself first before trying it. Anal sex that is portrayed in pornos is nothing at all like “regular” anal sex. Actors in anal porn often do extensive preparation such as wearing a butt plug for hours beforehand to stretch their anus, taking enemas or laxatives to clean out their system and they lubricate extensively (which is rarely shown on video). Wicked Wanda’s offers fun, relaxed in-store classes about anal sex, strap-on sex, and prostate play too.
After watching pornos, many people walk away thinking, “I could never do that. It would tear me to shreds.” And, they are probably correct if they actually did it that way for the first time. The way to approach anal sex is slowly and by using plenty of lube.The anus differs from the vagina in that it is not self-lubricating. It can be prone to tears if not lubricated. Different lubes can be used for sex. Water-based ones tend to get tacky more quickly. Silicone lubes, such as Sliquid Silver may be better for anal as they last longer. Some people use a variety of lubes for anal. They use a Lube Shooter to insert one type of lube deeper into the anus and then they apply another to the head of the penis or strap-on dildo as they are entering the anus.
As mentioned above, the anus can be prone to tearing as it does not self-lubricate. Therefore, protection against STIs is quite important in the rare case that a tear does occur. Latex or polyurethane (good for people who are allergic to latex) condoms are recommended because they provide effective barriers. Glyde dental dams can be used when rimming (licking/kissing/sucking in and around the anus) to prevent oral-anal transmission of STIs, bacteria, etc.
There are two sphincters in the anus. The first is at the opening of the anus and opens up pretty easily. The other one is located inside the anus and well, can have a bit of a mind of its own. Some people say they can’t ever get past this spot, especially when they try anything larger than their pinkie finger. The anus is fairly pliable since it regularly opens to let out a bowel movement. It can learn to accommodate a finger, a penis, butt plug, dildo or other sex toy. A great way to get used to the sensation is to insert a finger into your anus while in the shower or bathtub when you are relaxed. Sometimes people are worried that they will stretch out the anal tissue and have leakage problems when they are older. You have a bowel movement every day which exercises your anal muscles. Anal sex doesn’t cause this problem. If you are really worried about this, you could try doing kegels. They are just as effective anally as they are for vaginas or penises.
Some people have issues with the whole idea of anal sex because they think it’s dirty or unsanitary. The reality is that you are pretty unlikely to encounter feces (poop) because it’s not stored where most penises and strap-ons reach during anal sex. If you are still worried that you might come in contact with fecal matter (poop), the partner who will be penetrated can use an enema cleansing product such as Squeeze Clean Anal Stream. Some people have purchased kits from pharmacies. These are designed for surgical procedure preparation and if used on a regular basis could disrupt the flora of the colon. A simple warm water colon cleanse should be adequate. A number of people report that they prefer to eat light the day before anal play but that is a personal preference. If you are really worried that you might still make contact with poop, you can cover your play surface with old towels or Liberator Fascinators, fantastic washable bed wear.
Anal sex requires much more communication than any other kind of sex because of its needs for lubrication and the potential for tears. When you’re ready to try it, you may want to start by massaging the butt cheeks, licking and kissing around the area. People who have the most positive outcomes with anal sex are the ones who eased into it. They started by having some previous form of stimulation to relax them, such as: cunnilingus, fellatio, manual, sex toy or penetrative sex. In situations like this, it is easier to slip a gloved latex or nitrile (great for people with allergies to latex) finger into the anus because the sphincter is relaxed. The anus is not a closed loop like the vagina. That means that vibrators, dildos and butt plugs that go in there should all have a flared base or a ring to pull them out easily. There are many different sizes and shapes of anal sex toys to choose from. Most people are better off starting with a small to mid-size toy and if desired, working their way up to something larger. Here’s a link to our anal toys. It takes some people awhile to get used to the sensation of finger s or a toy in their anus while others love the feeling from the first time.
When inserting a penis or strap-on into the anus, go slowly. Watch your partner’s breathing and make sure to provide them with extra stimulation to their nipples, clitoris or penis as you enter them. Ask them how they are doing, if they need more lube or if they need you to pace your entry. If they ask you to stop, STOP immediately. Some people can take a penis or strap-on all the way the first time but that is not always the case and there’s nothing wrong with that. When withdrawing, do so slowly. Caressing your partner afterwards and/or offering massage is a great way to do aftercare. These massage oils are fantastic for that purpose.