I Destroy my Clit... So Why so Gentle with Oral? NSFW

By Wicked Wanda's
on August 11, 2016
I Destroy my Clit... So Why so Gentle with Oral? NSFW

By: Lilith 

I suddenly yelled in exasperation: “do you even know how I destroy my clit?” This incredibly inappropriate yet hilarious outburst was during a conversation with a fellow female co-worker centered on unsatisfying oral by partners in the past. While I cannot speak for all women, nor should I, I can honestly say that I’ve encountered many women who hate how gentle and tentative bedfellows can be when giving oral. This being the complete opposite of how we women have treated our own clits, vulvas and vaginas.

Not to be crude but I have absolutely obliterated my clit while seeking just one more orgasm… Maybe two more. I know how tough my beaver is and the kind of beating it can take because I’ve been meaner to her then any person has gotten close to being. This is not to say that I don’t love my clit and treat her nicely, but on occasion, that bitch needs to be destroyed.

It may seem strange to have a woman talking about her “secret garden” like this but honestly why is it so strange? Knowing our bodies enough to know that it will recover from some tender abuse (consensually) and that I like it, is incredibly empowering because I set my own pace and it is entirely for my own pleasure. We seem obsessed with the frailty of not just the female gender but the soft, tenderness of the genitalia which marks us female according to medical science. When ignorant people say "don't be a pussy," they obviously have never thought of what kind of badass beating pussies can take and how amazingly tough those pink lips and love canal really can be. The saying should be: "be tough like a pussy". 

Whether the destruction is due to good old-fashion fingers, new toy exploration or the classic destroyer the Hitachi Magic Wand, needless to say, you don’t have to be gentle when confronted with my "rosebud". During my time working in a sex store, I have encountered many women who share the same sentiment about the frustrating sweet tenderness of tongue flicks. Note: if you lick ice-cream with more intensity and pressure than you do a woman, re-evaluate.

This is of course not to say that you can never be gentle, in fact it is often best to start gentle and work on everywhere but the clit to begin with. Yet when it comes time to show off your tornado tongue, please for the love of God, make use of the amazing muscles featured in the mouth. They are strong for a reason!

Communicate with your lady friend next time you plan on chowing down on some muff, ask if she likes it rougher. Listen to her when you’re munching for the cues on where to hit and even where not to go. This can be said for men as well! I’ve been told by many men that they like a little rough pressure as they also have gone full ham on themselves, on many occasions.

I cannot express this enough that every person is different and communication between partners is important to making sure everyone has an enjoyable and safe time. Don’t be afraid to suck, lick, even graze with your teeth your partner’s wiggly bits because we have done so much worse to ourselves at one point or another!

So next time you are ready to enjoy some lady taco, keep in mind that the kind of mean things you’ve done to your own meat package is actually fairly common and getting rough sometimes goes a long way towards groundbreaking orgasms rather than BoringVille.

 

Note: This blog is focused on the experiences of cis-women. Trans men and women have very different experiences in regards to sexuality, and how to appropriately perform certain sexual acts pre or post surgery. I am not writing about trans folks because it would be flat-out wrong to speak for them, that privilege is theirs alone. 

Non Sexy Alternative Uses for SexToys and Tools

By Wicked Wanda's
on May 27, 2016
Non Sexy Alternative Uses for SexToys and Tools
  1. Vibration on sore muscles for massage. Of course vibration can be used for more than just sexual purposes but legendary toys like the Hitachi Magic Wand (or the Smart Wand by Lelo) has always been marketed as a "body" massaging tool rather than a sex toy and it is totally understandable. Used on the back, shoulders, legs or anywhere your muscles could use a deeper massage without needing another person to do it!

  1. Silicone lube as hair care and thigh friction. Silicone lube has so many applications but some of the best are as pre-blow-drying hair care to make sure your hair is protected from the heat and as a lubricant for friction caused by rubbing thighs especially in the summer. You can even use silicone lube as a makeup primer! 

  1. Cock rings as napkin holders. While it may seem ridiculous to use cock rings for your next dinner party they can be a great way of decorating your place-settings without getting too expensive. They are also fantastic because you can totally customize them and make it a craft party!

  1. Nipple clamps for holding pictures, glasses or signs. Don't you just hate is when you have to hang something and that something requires two well gripping grabbers and you don't have anything for it, fear not! Use your nipple clamps! 

  1. Suction cups for massage. Using larger suction cups and applying massage oil onto the skin can be used to give an awesome reverse massage where instead of pushing the skin and muscles downwards you can pull them upwards. 

Found in store

  1. Anal plugs as doorstoppers. Worried your door handle is going to damage your walls? Use an anal plug, you can get a variety of sizes that work for whatever situation you may have and they can be fairly inexpensive! 

  1. Liberator furniture for yoga. Liberator is known for their fantastic sex furniture but why not use it for your next yoga session? They are machine washable so you don't have to worry about sweating on it and you can achieve that deeper back bend or really challenge your next downward dog.

Found in store

  1. Violet wand for pimple zapping and skin care. Popularly used within kink communities, the violet wand is also used in highend spas and beauty parlors to help dry out oily and pimple prone skin. Next time you have a zit forming, apply on and off for 5 minutes and your zit should dry up and go away without any damage to your skin. 

Found in store

  1. Wartenberg wheels for baking or crafts. Getting even holes without the tedious work of doing every single one yourself can be done with the Wartenberg wheel or pin-wheel. For baking and crafts! 

  1. Arousal balm for pumping up your lips. While you can use these balms on your sexy wiggly bits, they can also be used as a lip balm and lip pumpers because they work by increasing blood flow to that area. Pucker up!

Found in store

8 Kink Essentials for Play

By Wicked Wanda's
on April 30, 2016
8 Kink Essentials for Play

By: Lilith

As kink and BDSM become more mainstream and growing in popularity, sexstores are increasingly trying to meet the demand and thus there are so many different tools, toys and learning material to get you started on your kinky path. Where to start, what to get and how to use them become important questions for beginners and even those more advanced in their exploration. Here we have listed Wicked Wanda's top 8 kink kit essentials for those experimenting and exploring. Of course, it is highly debatable what are essential kink items and every kinkster will have a slightly different kit depending on the type of play they enjoy and so on. Experimentation is one of the best parts of kink so try out a couple of tools and toys and see what works.

Note: Kink and BDSM functions on a key rule: Safe, Sane. Consensual. If play ever breaks this rule then no longer is it kink and BDSM and often it will be considered illegal and dangerous. 

1. Blindfold: Blindfolds are a perfect way to start experimenting with kink for aesthetic and practical purposes. While a blindfold can be a great way to set a scene and get someone in the mode, it can also relieve pressure and nervousness for both partners. The submissive partner or the person being dominated becomes released from responsibility of what is happening. They are no longer in charge and can relax and submit to their partner's actions. There is a wonderful saying that there is "happiness in submission" and this is largely the appeal for submissives or slaves. The Dominant partner also becomes released from having to perform in some senses. Of course they are still instigating the play but say they drop a toy or stumble in their heels, the submissive cannot see this and therefore the Dominant also becomes released from their nervousness and can relax into the role without pressure. Of course the primary purpose of a blindfold is to block a person from seeing, which can sharpen other senses and sensations and they no longer know where the sensations may come from--heightening the thrill and surprise. All playing should be spoken about before engaging in play especially once the submissive partner becomes more immobilized, this is to ensure consent and a pleasurable fulfilling experience for all involved. 

 

2. Bondage Tape: When beginning to experiment with bondage, safety becomes extremely important. You can start your bondage exploration with many different types of toys and tools such as handcuffs, rope, leather cuffs and so forth but the safest and often most cost efficient tool is bondage tape. Many of the other tools often leave marks and require a certain level of training to use properly and safely with fun results, bondage tape however requires very little learning and can be quite versatile. This kind of tape is unique because it does not have adhesive but rather the material sticks to itself creating a nice firm hold without residue that your partner may be sensitive too. Another positive is that with enough force, your partner can break from the bondage tape if needed. Whether you want to do a simple wrist tie to a bed-frame or door, or hogtie someone, this tool is safe enough and versatile enough to handle your creativity. You can even use the tape as a gag or blindfold because it has no adhesive.

 

Note: Never wrap tape or any other kind of bondage material around the neck. This is very dangerous and can easily lead to serious injuries or death. If you want to experiment with breath play or withholding oxygen, do some serious research first and discuss with your partner in depth. Most kinksters and kink stores like Wicked Wanda's do not suggest any kind of breath play because of the level of danger.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3. Feather Duster or Crop: When experimenting with different sensations, pain is not always the goal. In fact, many kinksters prefer very little pain in their play, instead focusing more on mind-games, role-playing or sensation play. A feather duster is a great way to experiment with sensitive spots without intimidating your partner or risking any kind of harm. You can explore your partner's body or your own and often pairing this with some bondage and sense-deprivation like blindfolds or gags can enhance the sensation of the feathers. Crops are fun as well if you want to lean more to domination or little to mild pain. The wonderful advantage of crops are that they are extensions of your hand and so you can guide and control your partner with the crop head and correct them if need be. This can be a very fun way to tease and do some role-playing without getting hardcore. Crops are easy to wield and often are not overly painful. Again playing with the sensation spectrum, crops allow for sensual exploration without much training or practice. 

Note: Even with little play like using a crop there are still areas of the body you should avoid hitting in case of injury and/or permanent damage. This includes head, neck, spine, stomach (kidneys and bladder don't like being hit at all), joints (shoulders, hips, elbows, ankles and knees). Many of these are common sense areas not to hit however it is best to clarify with your partner and ask if they have any sore spots or a bad arm for example. Remember that meaty areas like the butt, thighs, and back (across the shoulder-blades) are great places to hit depending on what your partner wants. Safe, Sane and Consensual always. 

 

 

4. Paddles: One of my personal favorites for kink play is a simple wooden paddle. There are many different kinds of paddles, made of different materials like leather, plastic, rubber, metal and plexi-glass but a classic is classic for a reason and wood rocks aesthetically and practically. For some, paddles have a wonderful sound upon impact that they love and crave, whereas others love the soft but firm impact itself. Generally used as a spanking tool due to its often non-flexible design, a paddle can make a domFind our selection in storeinant feel powerful and a submissive feel pleasurably helpless. As with any play, especially impact play, partners should discuss boundaries and what they are willing to try (soft-limits) and not (also known as hardlimits). Many who start spanking will use a flat hand for heighten control of where the impact lands and for the intimacy of skin on skin contact, others prefer to use a paddle so to not wear out their hands. Even for some, it is the threat of the paddle which brings excitement and tension into a scene, whether it is used or not. Of course, be careful where you hit and follow the guidelines above. Also do some research before you start leaving marks on people's body. 

Note: Most kinksters, whether they are doing impact play or experimenting with pain or bondage or not, will have a safe word that a submissive can use if the play becomes too hard or they are uncomfortable for any reason and want to stop. Some prefer using a colour system where green is good, yellow is nearing the edge and red is stop. Others prefer a word they would never use in play to signal the dominant to stop like pineapple or hedgehog. Make sure it is easy for both you and the dominant to remember and when the word or colour is used, this means to immediately stop. If your submissive cannot speak because of a gag or other reasons, make sure to provide another method to communicate with. A pair of keys is a great way to make noise signalling the dominant to stop when they are drop out of the submissive's hand. While hopefully the safeword is never needed, it is important to have this safety measure to ensure safe and fun play and to put all parties at ease. 

 

5. The Hitachi Magic Wand or other Vibes: An exciting part of kinky play is the tease and sexual gratification or even withholding an orgasm to further tease. This can be a kind of consensual torture to stimulate the submissive with vibrating toys or wandering hands yet not allow release or to dictate when release is allowed. Many kinksters love the Hitachi Magic Wand due to its power, durability and long-lasting life (Check out Lilith's review of the rechargeable HERE). Pick a favorite vibe and tease your submissive. This can be for submissives of any gender, the trick is to experiment with what gets an reaction. 

6. Rope: When exploring how creative your bondage arrangements can be, rope can often be considered essential for its extremely versatile applications and the beautiful visual appeal of it on the body. This is not as user-friendly as bondage tape because to use it properly and to its fullest capacity one should check out; rope classes, workshops and tutorials. There are dangers when playing with rope which include nerve-damage, suffocation, and bruising, so being safe and careful about how you More colours and types in storeuse rope is important. Youtube has many fantastic videos to help teach you from the comforts of your home. There are also many different kinds of rope including silk, bamboo silk, hemp, cotton and Jute. All of them have different textures, strength and price tags. Often beginners start with silk or cotton ropes because they are inexpensive but they do start to fringe and breakdown over time quicker than others. Experiment with what texture and strength you need within your budget to see what works for you. There are so many different colours as well! 

7. Gags: There are many types of gags which you can play with, including the traditional ball gag, breathers (with holes for easier breathing), open gags, spider gags, and etc. There are also different sizes to best fit the submissive's mouth. Look for a gag with nice soft edges near the mouth so to make sure your submissive's mouth won't be cut or bruised by wearing the gag. As another form of sense- deprivation, gags block the submissive from speaking and thus makes them more helpless and the dominant more powerful and in control. They can also help to limit the amount of noise made if your neighbors are close by. Remember to give the submissive another way to communicate if they have reached their limit. 

 

Note: While it is often stressed that the submissive should have a safeword and be in control of the situation ending if they react their limit, many forget that dominants are people with limits as well. A dominant should also be able to stop play if it gets too intense or they feel uncomfortable without feeling ashamed or afraid of disappointment. Whether they use a word or simply stop the play, dominants also need to be considered during play. Submissives who push their dominant's past their comfort lines are enacting a kind of dangerous topping from the bottom and often this is a good indicator of an unhealthy BDSM or kink relationship, just as a dominant pushing a submissive past their limits raises warning flags as well. Aftercare therefore, is for both partners-not just the submissive.

 

 

 

8. Nipple Clamps: Another tool for sensation play which can causes pain or heightened sensitivity, nipple clamps are versatile and vary considerably based on type, size and material. Some are used to decorate the body while others are used during play, and this largely depends on what kind of experience you are looking for. Often beginners should start with very adjustable clamps because it is difficult to know how hard a submissive can take. Tweezer clamps are great for this but check out all the other different kinds because while function is important aesthetic is too. Don't keep nipple clamps on too long for they do cut off blood-flow. Generally, your submissive will tell you if they have lost feeling in their nipples and this is a good sign to take of the clamps. You can also use clamps on the vaginal lips, clitoris or the scrotum, have fun experimenting and trying out what gets your submissive wiggling. 

This is only a small list of some tools and toys to consider when exploring the wonderful and creative world of kink. It doesn't take a ton of money or time to try out these 8 things but it does take some research. Come into  Wicked Wanda's and chat with our knowledgeable staff or look up some books to get you started. We also have interesting workshops every month to give you ideas and/or to sharpen your skills.   

Play safe my kinky friends.

 

 

 

 



 

Role Playing

By Madelaine Dorion
on January 14, 2016
Role Playing

By: Lilith

“The element of play has an important role in my life, and I think that should be the case in the life of every artist. Our life is occupied with playing, whether we play an instrument or a role.” –Dietrich Fischer- Dieskau

Our popular culture as of late has been so thoroughly saturated with a certain kind of role-playing that it is hard to imagine any other kinds, or why anyone outside of hardcore kinksters would want to enjoy it… thanks a lot Fifty Shades. Yet the essential core of role-playing is not situated in the darkest, scariest dungeon for most, but is instead based upon a change in scenery or a change in the motions. Arguably, we has human beings are always playing roles, whether that be our gender or our professions, or perhaps as entertaining friend and supportive family member, these are all roles. Many believe these to be simply inherent in life and in a sense that is true, because we have established as a culture that that is how our social system works: you must have one gender, you must have one profession, and you must be one person at all times. Yet, these constraints on ourselves can be subverted and it is often through that subverting that we can find pleasure and sometimes find a place where we truly feel like ourselves.

There is immense power in being able to decide who and what you are. Whether for erotic purposes or not, role-playing is a wonderful exercise in the meaning and use of power. Some would understand power as inherently oppressive or problematic as the saying that power corrupts is common among our culture and popular in movie plotlines- power is simply the interaction between beings. This includes the power people have when they freely give their power to another or when that person accepts that power with respect and a humbling appreciating of that gift. You see this kind of loving exchange of power in fulfilling Dominant and Submissive relationships, where the submissive has a resounding amount of power because they have the ability to give it to their Dominant. Yet, the exchange of power within role-play goes beyond the dungeon and BDSM relationship; you can find it when people use the scenario of teacher/ students, employer/ employee, or doctor/ patient. While these kinds of dynamics can breed abuse and illegal activities in active life, within a safe and agreed upon circumstance the power dynamic can be heightened or completely changed for sexual arousal in a positive and fulfilling way.

There are many types of role-playing, really too many to list, and often mainstream society feels uncomfortable with some of them because they may seem deviant or problematic if practiced in active life. This may include Priest/ Choirboy, Mommy/ Child or the feminization of men for example. What must be stressed here is that those who participate in role-playing for erotic purposes (and many people do), they do not necessarily want to practice those roles outside in their active life and in fact the reasons why some enjoy the schoolgirl look (for example) is complicated and does not mean that that individual wants to have sexual relations with an underage girl. Remember that power dynamics are always in play in our lives and during role-playing, power can be even more relevant as for example- an individual may feel less powerful around a person dressed like a schoolgirl because it reminds them of the dynamics in highschool and this arouses them.

For some, they explore role-playing because they want to spice up their sex life and this can be achieved in many different ways. A scene can be set by using only one piece of clothing or an entire outfit, perhaps one toy or an entire stage of props. For some, they enjoy role-playing by pretending they do not know a partner but instead meet them for the “first time” in a bar. Essentially what I am saying is that role-playing can be a wonderfully creative expression of love and sexuality and that there is no one formula for everyone to follow. What I do caution for those interested in role-play is that you do it in a relationship with a partner you trust. While this may seem limiting, it is because role-playing successfully requires a lot of communication between people and without trust and respect already established the power dynamics could turn problematic and abusive. Consent is so important and if things are not discussed beforehand then there is no consent, which is illegal. The element of surprise should be sacrificed in this sense. An option is to have an agreed upon signal such as a certain necklace or pair of socks which indicates that your partner is interested in enacting a previously agreed upon scene, and that the other partner has signaled in their own way through an agreed upon statement that they are also interested. Communication is absolutely necessary with role-playing.

So why not try spicing it up? With communication and some planning, your night could turn into a fantasy which is titillating and erotic in a safe and positive environment. Open up to your partner about fantasies you have and be open to theirs as well. Being supportive and non-judgmental leads to better relationships, sex and role-playing for all involved. Start with an outfit or prop and experiment from there. Above all, remember that sex is supposed to be fun and fantasies are just an extension of that.

So may your fantasies come true.

 By: Lilith

Check out our workshops for fun ways to spice up your bedroom!

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