I Destroy my Clit... So Why so Gentle with Oral? NSFW

By Wicked Wanda's
on August 11, 2016
I Destroy my Clit... So Why so Gentle with Oral? NSFW

By: Lilith 

I suddenly yelled in exasperation: “do you even know how I destroy my clit?” This incredibly inappropriate yet hilarious outburst was during a conversation with a fellow female co-worker centered on unsatisfying oral by partners in the past. While I cannot speak for all women, nor should I, I can honestly say that I’ve encountered many women who hate how gentle and tentative bedfellows can be when giving oral. This being the complete opposite of how we women have treated our own clits, vulvas and vaginas.

Not to be crude but I have absolutely obliterated my clit while seeking just one more orgasm… Maybe two more. I know how tough my beaver is and the kind of beating it can take because I’ve been meaner to her then any person has gotten close to being. This is not to say that I don’t love my clit and treat her nicely, but on occasion, that bitch needs to be destroyed.

It may seem strange to have a woman talking about her “secret garden” like this but honestly why is it so strange? Knowing our bodies enough to know that it will recover from some tender abuse (consensually) and that I like it, is incredibly empowering because I set my own pace and it is entirely for my own pleasure. We seem obsessed with the frailty of not just the female gender but the soft, tenderness of the genitalia which marks us female according to medical science. When ignorant people say "don't be a pussy," they obviously have never thought of what kind of badass beating pussies can take and how amazingly tough those pink lips and love canal really can be. The saying should be: "be tough like a pussy". 

Whether the destruction is due to good old-fashion fingers, new toy exploration or the classic destroyer the Hitachi Magic Wand, needless to say, you don’t have to be gentle when confronted with my "rosebud". During my time working in a sex store, I have encountered many women who share the same sentiment about the frustrating sweet tenderness of tongue flicks. Note: if you lick ice-cream with more intensity and pressure than you do a woman, re-evaluate.

This is of course not to say that you can never be gentle, in fact it is often best to start gentle and work on everywhere but the clit to begin with. Yet when it comes time to show off your tornado tongue, please for the love of God, make use of the amazing muscles featured in the mouth. They are strong for a reason!

Communicate with your lady friend next time you plan on chowing down on some muff, ask if she likes it rougher. Listen to her when you’re munching for the cues on where to hit and even where not to go. This can be said for men as well! I’ve been told by many men that they like a little rough pressure as they also have gone full ham on themselves, on many occasions.

I cannot express this enough that every person is different and communication between partners is important to making sure everyone has an enjoyable and safe time. Don’t be afraid to suck, lick, even graze with your teeth your partner’s wiggly bits because we have done so much worse to ourselves at one point or another!

So next time you are ready to enjoy some lady taco, keep in mind that the kind of mean things you’ve done to your own meat package is actually fairly common and getting rough sometimes goes a long way towards groundbreaking orgasms rather than BoringVille.

 

Note: This blog is focused on the experiences of cis-women. Trans men and women have very different experiences in regards to sexuality, and how to appropriately perform certain sexual acts pre or post surgery. I am not writing about trans folks because it would be flat-out wrong to speak for them, that privilege is theirs alone. 

5 Secrets to the best oral service ever!

By Wicked Wanda's
on January 02, 2016
5 Secrets to the best oral service ever!

Well boys and girls, it’s your turn to discover and develop some magical oral skills that will excite and stimulate the woman (or women) in your life. These tips are also great for all the ladies who love the ladies. If you want to help her become a wet, screaming, moaning mess, here are five easy steps to follow.

            Teasing: The number one complaint I hear from women is that men go for the vagina waaaay too soon. Dudes, the “honey pot” takes time to warm up! Teasing is one of the best ways to encourage the vagina to open up for business. Kiss and softly touch her whole body. Do not touch the vagina or the “end zone” yet. Start to kiss and lick down her belly and move your mouth towards her “mound” or pubic bone. As you pass over it, lightly blow warm air, getting so close to her that she thinks you are going to put it in your mouth… then don’t. Instead, continue to lick her inner thigh. I know it sounds evil but trust me, taking the time to tease her now will mean less work for you later! Keep the teasing up until the magic moment when her vagina starts to follow you. At this point, she may be writhing, begging, or even whining for you to lick her. Then, and only then, gently lick her vagina and put her into your mouth. Just remember not to attack the vulva like you have not eaten in days.

            Pressure: Each vagina likes different levels of pressure at different times of arousal, so it is always better to start soft, then slowly increase the pressure with your tongue. Deciphering a woman’s pressure preferences has a lot to do with reading her body language, which brings me to tip number three.

            Body language: Paying attention to how a woman’s body is physically responding to your tongue’s touch is key. If she is pushing into your mouth she wants more pressure. If she is pulling away, she either wants less pressure or she is working up to an intense orgasm and her body is trying to run away. If you can’t tell the difference between the two, ask her if it hurts. If the answer is “yes,” ease up on the pressure. If the answer is “no,” hold her in place, keep doing what you’re doing, and hang on tight. Listen to the sounds and moans and watch how her leg muscles shake or tense up. Listen to her breathing, if it’s fast and breathy that’s a good sign. If she stops moving or making sounds, that’s your sign to try something new.

            The Moves: It is important to explore the whole vulva with your mouth and tongue, don’t get stuck on the same move. Remember, every vagina is different and every moment with that vagina is different. The best way to figure out where the money spots are at any given time is to map them out. Start with a long lick from the taint to the pubic bone; move up and down and side to side. Important: listen and watch her body language. Lightly suck “the lips” into your mouth, then watch. Lightly suck the clit into your mouth, then watch. Start to explore the clit with different tongue movements like flicking up and down, side to side, or in circle. Try writing the alphabet on her clit with your tongue and…watch! Lightly nibble on her inner thigh and come back to her vulva. Use your imagination. Try inserting a finger inside her vaginal canal. Move slow. This exploration should take 15 minutes or even longer. Don’t forget to keep watching, taking good mental notes of where those hot spots are. (Coming soon: article on fingering and manual loving.)

            Bring it home! If you took my advice and remembered to watch her body language and listen to her sounds, you should have a great idea of what type of pressure and movement works best in all the right places. Now it’s time to return to the spot that is going to drive her crazy to the point of explosion and orgasm. Once her orgasm starts to build, do not change anything you are doing – Nothing! Keep the same pressure, speed, and rhythm until she has her orgasm. If she is not orgasmic, that’s okay. Just keep going until her body language changes or your tongue tries out.

 

Note: Some woman have not been able to feel safe enough to allow an orgasm to happen in their lives. Don't try to make it happen! There is nothing you can do. She needs to heal and figure a few things out on her own first.

If there is a woman in your life who is not able to experience the pleasure of an orgasm, give her my contact information. I help women heal and reclaim their orgasms at www.succulentliving.com.

Now, a little talk about smell and taste. This is not a sexy topic, but an important one. During your teasing stage, you will get an idea of how she smells. If it turns you off, take her hand and say, “Let’s go have a shower together, I’m not feeling clean.” When you have her in the shower, take time to wash her entire body, soap up her vagina, and rinse everything off. Then go back to orally exploring her. If the shower doesn’t fix the taste or smell, she may have a minor yeast infection or imbalance that she is not aware of. Switch things up to manual stimulation and intercourse, but make sure you use a condom. If you pick up her yeast infection, you could end up giving it back to her. Depending on how comfortable you are, you might gently mention your observations 30-60 minutes after you have finished your sexual activity. Try saying, “I don’t know if you are aware but I think your vaginal balance might be off a little.” Tread carefully because this could be embarrassing for her. Stay tuned for more posts on exercises to improve your oral endurance. Until next time, remember dining on “the nectar of the Goddess” has zero calories!

 

Gaia Shawna Morrissette

 Bonus: The proper term for oral sex that is performed on a woman is called “Cunnilingus.”

Want to learn more about how to pleasure the lady in your life? Check out this amazing site with articles and videos!

Fellatio: Going Down/Blowjobs for Him

By Wicked Wanda's
on January 02, 2016
Fellatio: Going Down/Blowjobs for Him

Fellatio is an often neglected activity that many people abandon once they have progressed to penetrative intercourse. It’s a welcome activity that many guys enjoy as much as or more than traditional vaginal or anal sex. Sexy times can be had almost anywhere too so this allows for a lot of great fantasy play on the go.

Some people don’t feel as though they know what to do when approached with the male anatomy. Check out our male anatomy page to learn more. You can also attend one of our in-store classes. They are fun, educational and guaranteed to provide you with lots of suggestions for your next oral session.

Communication is very important in any kind of sexual activity. A little chat about where he would like to come is important. Partners may also want to know when their partner is going to come. Some guys would like you to accept their ejaculate (load/semen) in their mouth. The problem with this is that some people swallow semen while others don’t. Negotiating where the semen is going to end up doesn’t have to be a problem if you don’t swallow. You can have them come in your vagina (if a woman), anus (any gender), between breasts or anywhere else on the body or you can offer to finish him off with your hands. You can also provide a towel or tissues for them to come in or take the semen into your mouth and then spit it out elsewhere. A little communication avoids hurt feelings.

Your partner may have an STI or other communicable disease. You can use condoms for oral sex. There are a wide variety of condoms available, made out of latex and polyurethane for people with latex allergies. Plain, lubricated condoms may not taste the best for some. Consider flavoured ones as an alternative. Similarly, if you plan on using your hands on someone who has an STI, think about using latex or nitrile gloves (good for people with latex allergy).

As mentioned above, oral for him is very portable so you can do it anywhere. Unfortunately, many people who do oral find it sometimes hurts their neck or jaw. Liberator shapes has designed sex furniture that fits many body types. It’s sleek and sexy-looking but discreet enough that no one will know what it’s used for. You can also change positions from kneeling in front to reclining to standing. As you transition from one position to another, allow your hands to take over. This will give your mouth and neck some time to rest. If he is not completely wet, consider using a natural lubricant.

To freshen up beforehand, you can give your partner a sex shower or bath. Try lightly dragging your nails all over his skin and through his pubic hair to pull out loose ones (if he doesn’t shave there). Towel him off. Consider talking dirty to him. (Don’t know how to talk dirty? Sign up for one of our classes here.) Enthusiasm is appreciated. Admiring his genitalia and tell him you want to give him this gift can be arousing for some men.

You can lick and kiss your way down (or up, depending on your position) there, tweaking nipples and nibbling along the way. The head (glans) is generally the most sensitive part with the shaft not feeling as much. The scrotum (sac that holds the testicles/balls) is generally very sensitive. Some will want it to be touched and played with while others will reject it. Other sensitive spots include: the coronal ridge, frenulum, perineum and anus (see male anatomy). Generally, most men like wide welcoming licks done with a flat tongue. Wetting the head to the shaft (and scrotum, if they like that) is a good beginning. Licking around and under the coronal ridge and frenulum can be very pleasurable. Some people like to have the crevice of their opening explored too. Others may find this is too sensitive.

Some people circle the head with their tongue and then engulf it with their mouth. For people who are new to fellatio, taking the penis into your mouth can sometimes feel a bit intimidating. You may have to train yourself to breathe more through your nose or to take breaks so that that you can breathe through your mouth. It doesn’t mean you have to stop, just replace the motion with your hand. By placing your thumb and pointer finger into an okay sign, you can provide the same kind of friction (maybe more than your mouth does). Some guys may not even be able to tell when you are changing back and forth between mouth and hands.

Giving good head is not only about sucking and licking but also about suction. Sucking the cheeks in while you have him in your mouth or throat provides a different sensation. Generally speaking, rhythmic up and down motions or circling with head while going up and down work well. Some men like you to constantly stay in your mouth while others may prefer to be popped in and out as your lips tighten around his head as he goes in and out.

Want to change up the sensation a bit for him? Try adding a bullet vibe at the base of his scrotum or next to his perineum. Men have a prostate gland that can be stimulated externally from this position.

The perineum and anus are spots that are full of pleasurable nerve endings. Some guys have hang-ups around having this area touched. Respect those feelings but let him but let him know that you think it would be hot to try something there. If you will be licking around his anus, consider a Glyde dental dam. Put a drop or two of lube on the skin side to make it feel more natural. If your partner okays it, try inserting a finger to stimulate his prostate gland. You can also use a toy designed for prostate play such as the Aneros, or anal beads. Some of these devices have vibration while others do not. Some people like a butt plug to just be placed in there from beginning to end. This can be gently moving around or left in place. Make sure it has a flared base and that you use adequate lube. Silicone lube is great for butt toys but generally has a bitter taste.

To change up his sensation, you can also tickle his body with feathers, apply nipple clamps or suction cups. Warming or cooling lube can also be applied and blown on. Glass or metal butt plugs (soaked in warm or cool water) can be inserted to deliver temperature changes that are fun to play with. Sipping a swig of a hot or cold beverage while going down can also be pleasurable.

When he’s ready to come, he may begin to thrust, breathe more heavily and/or make moaning sounds. You may also want to agree upon how he will tell you when he is going to come (verbally, a tap on the head, etc.) If you are not planning on swallowing his ejaculate (cum/semen), you can switch over to your previously negotiated plan of finishing him off. If he is going to ejaculate in you have a condom ready.

Cunnilingus: Going Down for Her

By Madelaine Dorion
on January 02, 2016
Cunnilingus: Going Down for Her

Cunnilingus (or oral sex for her) is a special gift that you can perform for your partner. It involves, licking, kissing and/or sucking the vulva (external genitalia) and vaginal canal (internal genitalia). The clitoris is an area of the body that provides much of the pleasurable feelings experienced. It is located at the top of the vaginal opening and is covered in a little hood of flesh that can be retracted. Upwards of 70% of all women cannot arrive at orgasm unless they receive some kind of stimulation to the clitoris and surrounding areas beforehand.

 

Many partners are eager to try cunnilingus but admit that they aren’t that certain what to do once they get down there. Consider educating yourself a bit if you feel you fall into this category. Check out our female anatomy page if you are unfamiliar with any of the terms in this article. You can also sign up for a fun, in-person class at Wicked Wanda’s. You’re guaranteed to go home with lots of new ideas to take home and try out.

One of the best things about cunnilingus is that it doesn’t require a lot of fancy preparation. Some people feel awkward about their own personal odour and would prefer to have a bath or shower beforehand. You can make this part of your sexy foreplay by giving your partner a complete treatment, offering to bath or shower them. A vibrating shower toy, such as the Tango are fun ways to get things started. You could also take any vibrating bullet toy and put it inside a plastic, zippable baggie. Slit a bath sponge in half and tada, you have a vibrating bath sponge. Follow up your partner’s bath by drying her off with a towel and then rubbing her down all over with a Naked Massage oil.

Sometimes people who give cunnilingus are a bit disappointed when they realize how long it takes for a woman to achieve orgasm this way. Porn videos, for the most part, show women getting off in a minute or less. The reality is that you may be down there for awhile, so get comfortable. If you want to look like an expert, you could have a few things prepared before your session: lube (ideally glycerin and parabens-free such as Sliquid, a towel (for hands or for squirty situations), Glyde vegan dental dam and/or latex or nitrile gloves if your partner has an STI or other communicable disease and a bullet vibe. If you have neck or back problems, you may want to consider purchasing sex furniture such as the Liberator shapes, which naturally contour to many body shapes and allow you to be comfortable while possibly being in a position your body is not used to. If your partner has troubles keeping their legs apart, there are also slings that can be used to make this easier. Using any type of vibrator in between or combined with your licking and sucking will change up the sensation and also give your jaw/neck a break.

So, you’ve done all your homework and you’re ready to go! Sometimes the person on the receiving end may still feel intimidated. Make sure you let them know that you’re excited to be able to do this for them. If your haven’t done any massage beforehand, stroking the mons and the thighs is a nice way to lead in. Running your hands through her public hair (if she has it) is also a good way to dislodge any loose hairs that could end up in your mouth. Generally, starting with a flat tongue in big, broad strokes is best. It allows you to lubricate the area and get her used to you being there. What we see of the clitoris is only the tip of the iceberg. The clitoris is kind of like a chubby wishbone with the visible head at the centre and the crura (or clitoral legs) buried beneath the skin on either side of the vaginal lips. Licking the clitoris is lovely but many people find that if all the attention is focused there all of the time that it’s too stimulating and may actually hurt. Licking and nibbling the inner and outer lips is pleasurable for many people. Some people also enjoy the sensation of having their clitoris sucked on. The clitoris has a hood over it. Some women like having it retracted and stimulated very gently while others find this overwhelming and/or painful.

While licking and sucking, you can also insert fingers or a sex toy into the vaginal canal. Add lube if necessary. To learn more about fingering a woman’s g-spot, read this. The perineum (located below the vaginal opening and above the anus) is rich in nerve endings and a fun place to explore. Many individuals have strong feelings about the perineum and anus so it may be best to ask before surprising someone with fingers or a toy there. If your partner has never had their anus played with, start with a small toy such as The Classic Butt Plug. Any toy that goes into the anus should have a flared base or a ring so that it can be easily removed and so that it doesn’t get move further into the anus (read more about Anal Adventures here). Others may be excited about playing with an area they may have considered taboo. If you are going to lick around the anus (rimming), you may want to consider using a Glyde dental dam as there is a risk of certain STIs and bacterias with this area. Put a drop or two or lube in the skin side of the dam to make things feel more natural for your partner.

Most women find they need a build-up of rhythmic motions before they can arrive at orgasm. Switching over to a more pointed tongue at this point may be helpful. Some people do circles, up-down/ side-to-side motions or even the alphabet so they get a variety of different strokes. Watch for changes in your partner’s breathing, bucking motions of the hips, verbalizations (screaming, moaning), actions such as showing your face closer into her or closing her legs around your head as signs that orgasm may be soon. Don’t stop until she tells you to stop. A woman is capable of having more than one orgasm. Some women need a break in between orgasms to cool off while others can tolerate repeated stimulation. Always check in with your partner.

To add some additional sensory pleasure, you can add the element of heat or cooling. Tickle her Pink gel that feels a little cool when it’s blown on. Inserting a glass or metal toy that has been soaking in warm or cool water, into the vagina, can produce some pretty wild sensations when paired with cunnilingus. Glass and metal toys can retain their temperature for up to 20 minutes. Many people also enjoy the removal of all other sensation so they can focus on the area that is being stimulated. Using a blindfold, restraints or spreader bar can help enhance this experience. A blindfold helps with the element of surprise so that your partner cannot anticipate your next move. It’s also great for fantasy roleplay. Restraints and spreader bars are also good for fantasy.

 

Original Blog Written for Wicked Wanda's 

Cart Summary

Your cart is empty
  • CyberSkin Vulcan Ass Stroker w/ Warming Lube
    CyberSkin Vulcan Ass Stroker w/ Warming Lube
  • CyberSkin Vulcan Pussy Stroker w/ Warming Lube
    CyberSkin Vulcan Pussy Stroker w/ Warming Lube
  • Fleshlight GO Torque Ice
    Fleshlight GO Torque Ice
    Fleshlight GO Torque Ice
  • Fleshlight GO Torque Ice Combo
    Fleshlight GO Torque Ice Combo
    Fleshlight GO Torque Ice Combo
  • Fleshlight Renewing Powder
    Fleshlight Renewing Powder
  • Fleshlight Stamina Training Unit
    Fleshlight Stamina Training Unit
    Fleshlight Stamina Training Unit

From the Blog

Menstrual Cups are Awesome! Fun Cup Review

Menstrual Cups are Awesome! Fun Cup Review

August 17, 2018

By: Lilith While a lot of people question why a sex store would have menstrual cups, I think the more...

Read more →

 Satisfyer Pro G-Spot Rabbit: Reviewed

 Satisfyer Pro G-Spot Rabbit: Reviewed

April 24, 2018

I’ve recently been bestowed the honor of testing and reviewing the Satisfyer Pro G-Spot Rabbit and perfection doesn’t even begin...

Read more →

We-Vibe Nova Reviewed

We-Vibe Nova Reviewed

January 16, 2018

In this honest review of the We-Vibe Nova, Lilith simply glows about this amazing g-spot product and as far as a dual stimulator goes, this toy is the best. Click to read more!

Read more →