Wet your APPetite: Dating on Tinder, Bumble, and More

By Wicked Wanda's
on December 30, 2017
Wet your APPetite: Dating on Tinder, Bumble, and More
Read Chesty LaRue's honest and highly entertaining tips on how to get the most out of online dating. From dating app etiquette to knowing what you want out of those interactions, Chesty LaRue will make you laugh and nod in agreement in this fun blog piece.

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The Complete Beginner's Guide To Buying a Sex Toy

By Wicked Wanda's
on November 29, 2017
The Complete Beginner's Guide To Buying a Sex Toy
So, you want to buy a sex toy? Shopping for sex toys can be scary and our blogger Chesty LaRue hilariously goes through her own experiences of shopping for that special something while also giving first time buyers 5 easy steps to make your sexytime shopping experience everything and more you want it to be. 

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7 Secrets to Giving the Ultimate B.J.

By Wicked Wanda's
on April 09, 2016
7 Secrets to Giving the Ultimate B.J.

By: Gaia Shawna Morrissette

 Oral sex can be considered to be one of the most sensual sexual acts you can perform for your partner. Taking charge of his pleasure will surge his and your own arousal. Giving an out-of-this-world blow job is easy, not to mention great fun. We recommend starting with Gaia’s Seven Secrets to Giving the Ultimate B.J.

After years of working with men I am happy to share my insights on what men want and desire when it comes to receiving mind blowing oral sex.

Here are the Seven Secrets to giving the ultimate “hummer”:

  1. Lube it up. Keep it wet and slippery. Most guys don’t find friction burn on their penis to be a turn on. What kind of lube you might ask? Your saliva is the best but you can also use flavoured lubes or oils. One of my favourite oils is coconut oil which is also vagina friendly. Just remember if you are using flavour lubes or oils then he should wash his penis before you have intercourse because sugars and other chemicals are not vagina friendly. Just because the bottle says intercourse safe that does not mean that it is. Anything with sugars or Glycerine and some of the other ingredients in flavoured lubes can cause a yeast infection… It is better to be save then sorry later. The vagina has a very delicate eco system. Yeast infections are not sexy!
  1. Hir penis. But a lot of men have told me that woman don’t usually do enough. So when you have his penis in your mouth and are sucking ask him if he would like more or less suction. That will be your base line for pressure. It is important to use suction when his penis is in your mouth otherwise “it just feels like poking a warm bucket of water.” Don’t forget about your hands. They always need to be a part of the experience. Again, when you are stroking his “leaning tower of power” ask him if he would like more or less pressure. This will be your base line.
  2. The balls, or my favourite, “the boys”. What to do with them? They like to be played with so don’t leave them out. Men can experience a lot of pleasure from their testicles. You can lick them, suck them, tickle them, pop them in your mouth, scratch them and even hum a tune on them. Just remember, when playing with your lover’s “twig and berries” you are looking for sap from the twig not juice from the berries so be gentle with them at first until you find out how sensitive they are and what kind of stimulation he likes. Now ladies you might be thinking ewww they are hairy and smelly. However, if you ask him to go have a shower.
  3. Tongue action is not just for the ladies. Men love when your tongue shows up for the party. Lick him like a lollipop, tease him with your tongue, use your tongue while you are sucking “Mr. Happy” and don’t forget about the “balls” they love a good tongue bath.
  4. Be turned on! No one wants to feel like you are doing it because you have to or it is an obligation. That is never sexy! So it is important that you are enjoying yourself and being turned on. Here are a couple tips if you are finding this difficult. There is an erogenous zone on the roof of your mouth which can give you great sexual pleasure once it is awake. Rub yourself and your own clit so you are aroused, get a vibrator that you can use on your vagina while you are giving him head or ask him to hold it for you. Make eye contact so he knows you are having a good time to. Also, give yourself permission to get sexually aroused from the pleasure you are giving him. Let yourself feel like a rock star!
  5. Audio/Video. Men are incredibly turned on by visual and audio stimulation. So visually, give him a lot to look at; panties, heels, lingerie. Each guy is different in what visually turns him on so ask him. Men want to hear sounds. They want to hear your moans of pleasure, sucking sounds, gagging sounds, slurping sounds, talking dirty. Again, each guy is a bit different so ask him what he likes to hear and then make it loud and messy. This is not the time to worry about your makeup or being ladylike. He wants you to become a wanton tigress that is starving and craving his penis and having him in your mouth is the only thing that will satisfy that hunger.
  6. Variety is the spice of life. Mix up your strokes, add hand and tongue, alternate speed and pressure. Oral sex is a great time for you to make friends with his penis. Do not be afraid of it or him. Explore and discover new possibilities to make his eyes roll back in his head. Ask questions and read his body language.

Let’s talk about ejaculation. What to do with it? Do you spit or swallow or put it somewhere else? In my experience it doesn’t matter much to the dude. He is super happy he got a blow job. You just need to decide for yourself what you are comfortable with before you start giving him oral sex so you can let him know if you don’t want him to cum in your mouth.

Remember, laugh lots and have fun exploring your lover’s “package’.

Until next time, stay naughty!

 

Gaia Shawna Morrissette

www.succulentliving.com 

 

Sexpertise: Polyamory

By Wicked Wanda's
on April 09, 2016
Sexpertise: Polyamory

By: Jean Samick

Polyamory, or Non-Monogamy as it’s also widely referred to, is the “participation in multiple and simultaneous loving or sexual relationships,” that are not exclusive with other intimate relationships. This is done with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved. Done properly, it can enhance a relationship in a variety of different ways, and done improperly it can be detrimental to even the strongest of relationships.

A polyamorous friend of mine (who prefers to remain anonymous) offered some insight into open relationships and how people can go about them in a healthy, consensual and responsible way. “It’s kind of a choose-your-own-adventure style relationship,” Ms. Polyamory tells me, “You can define your relationship in terms of how open you want it to be. That can range from having hook-ups once a month, it can be as structured as that, or it can be that you have simultaneous partners. I think for a lot of people, they have their primary partner, their husband or wife, then maybe a girlfriend or a boyfriend. The key thing throughout all these different versions of non-monogamy is that it’s all consensual.”

It’s important to note the difference between polyamory and adultery. In any healthy relationship, whether it is casual or exclusive, the parties involved are all aware and consenting on their status. Polyamory or non-monogamy is when everyone involved is consensual to the fact that they are not in a physically or emotionally exclusive relationship, and infidelity is when only one side is consensual, while the other is unaware. 

If a couple decides to explore non-monogamy, Ms. Polyamory recommends a solid foundation of communication that takes place beforehand in order to maintain that trust. Non-monogamy should be an enhancement to a relationship, and not fixing a problem. There’s a certain amount of honesty and transparency that comes with any healthy relationship, and especially in the case of non-monogamous relationships that can frequently test bonds. Some may fear that their partner may fall in love with someone else outside the relationship, but Ms. Polyamory has a soothing response for that. “When we are falling in love with someone we fall in love with the individual pieces that make them up; their kindness, their ambitions, values, hobbies, past experiences, etc. We do not fall in love with them because they are monogamous to us. That is simply a framework people choose to express their love. So for some people a framework which includes seeing a person grow through other relationships as well is just as appealing.”

If a person is looking to broach the concept of an open relationship with their partner, Ms. Polyamory recommends taking steps to find your boundaries and set them immediately. Make everything a discussion, and lay out your fears immediately because jealously and insecurity can happen. By making everything a discussion with your partner, there is no “gatekeeper’ in the relationship setting the rules. “If there are things you know you’re not OK with, just make that a rule right away and deal with it later.” She suggests not using language that threatens the relationship that exists, and not to blame the other person if something upsets them. Saying something is OK and then discovering it isn’t is no one’s fault. Don’t blame them, but talk about the problem and be proactive about feelings.

Broaching the topic with friends and family, especially if you are in a long term relationship, can be difficult to navigate. “I had a lot of doubts about what’s OK to share and what’s not OK to share.” Ms. Polyamory says, “Talk to your partner about this as well. “Who are we going to share this with?’ or “How do we talk about it?’ Look for support, don’t be afraid to reach out.” She quotes Dan Savage “Your parents deserve not to know everything.” In regards to my question about her family, to which she pointed out if they saw her or her partner out with someone else, “If that happened, I wouldn’t want them to misunderstand our agreement.”

With this framework in mind, decide if pursuing a non-monogamous relationship is right for you. There is no right or wrong way to love, just different options. If you feel like trying non-monogamy, seek out support from the poly community that can help you explore the different facets of the lifestyle. There are Canadian Advocacy pages for Polyamory as well as local chapters and international branches.

You can also find Poly events listed on Wicked Wanda’s Calendar.

Jean Samick

 

Catsuits and Gimp Suits- Restrictive Bondage Fashions

By Wicked Wanda's
on February 04, 2016
Catsuits and Gimp Suits- Restrictive Bondage Fashions

By: Jean Samick

CatsuitCatsuits, Mexican wrestling masks and leather pants. These could be innocent fashion choices in their selective settings, but when you cross over into bondage suit fetishes things start to get interesting for your wardrobe. Latex fetishes and bondage suits are a type of BDSM where the entire body is covered in varying degrees for the purpose of bodily restriction and denial arousal.

Masks are especially popular as an add on or entrance into the fetish. They cover the face and neck completely, and often cover the eyes while leaving an opening for the mouth and nose. The gimp suit is a bit different. The suit is tight fitting and covers everything from feet to hands, and if there isn’t a hood a separate mask comes with it. Covering the entire body from top to bottom has the sole purpose of dehumanizing the person in the suit so they’re see as a toy for arousal, and not as a sexual partner. The people in the suits are often ignored or used as furniture in a dehumanizing but consensual way. This sub/ dom play is like an amped up version of BDSM, and is not for beginners.

The suits themselves can be made of latex, rubber, PVC, leather and darlexx. Since some of the material is stretchier and more breathable than others, beginners should typically stick to something that is form fitting and restricting but easily removed. Full costumes made of leather cannot fit as tightly, but will have an impact on body temperature depending on how much of a persons body is enclosed or exposed. Some of the suits have openings at the genitals or erogenous zones, but not always so make sure to hit the bathroom before slinking into one. They don’t have an escape route!

There are plenty of online stores that specialize in bondage masks and suits, but you don’t need to look hard. Wicked Wanda's caters to the catsuit people, and whether you get one for Halloween or “Halloween” (for those with nosier postmen) you want to make sure you triple check the sizing requirements so you get one that fits. It’s not the sort of thing you want too loose, or too snug. A loose suit could deflate the mood, and one that’s too tight could have dangerous consequences like circulation and breathing restriction.

In pop-culture, movies like Pulp Fiction and The People Under the Stairs have featured gimp suits in different ways, and shows like Amercian Horror Story have had them in the plot as aesthetic backdrop and ominous characters. The only thing these Hollywood examples seem to miss is when the gimp or bondage suit wearer gets aggressive and attacks someone. The whole mentality behind these costumes is one of docile complacency.

So before you dive deep into the fun world of leather suits and gimp furniture, try out some lighter options like wrapping your partner tightly or buying a quick-escape straightjacket. It’ll have a similar restrictive setting without the potential mishaps, and you can grow your suit collection from there.

Jean Samick

Foot Fetishes

By Wicked Wanda's
on January 14, 2016
Foot Fetishes

 by: Jean Samick

Most people have an appreciation for some new shoes, or even the occasional pedicure. But how many people out there get aroused at the sight of some nice looking feet? Quite a few actually, as Podophilia claims to be the most common of the fetishes, with tons of groups and online forums to support it. There are also plenty of famed foot enthusiasts to support this claim, with Elvis Presley and Andy Warhol as historical representations, and people like Quentin Tarantino among the more recent. Tarantino’s foot fetish is fairly well documented in his films, and he’s come clean about it in several interviews unabashedly. This shameless admittance to a fetish takes the taboo out of it and by working feet subtly into each film he shows how this fetish is more than sexual, it’s a form of art.

Just because famous people do it doesn’t mean it’s common, but there’s plenty of science behind this fun little form of freakiness. “There are many reasons feet are said to be arousing. Feet are often the first part of a mother or father which a toddler touches.” Dr. Brenda Love theorizes in her Encyclopedia of Unusual Sex Practices. “Likewise, parents often play with toddlers’ by pushing them with their feet or letting them ride one of their feet.” This theory links with others that the skin of the feet, with the tautness and shine of the skin being the focus of visual arousal paired with the subconscious connection to nurturing and sexuality.

Dr. Aggrawal had a more straightforward theory in his book Forensic and Medico-legal Aspects of Sexual Crimes and Unusual Sexual Practices. “It has been suggested that the foot’s shape is distinctly phallic and is viewed by the fetishist to replicate the female or male genitals or the shape of a female body. Another view is that the feet and the genitals are in the same visual window, and when looking at one, the other will be in view as well; thus the two become associated in the mind.” Whether by visual association or by deep seated emotional connections to your upbringing, feet aren’t a substitute for human intimacy. One of the consistencies found in a lot of these studies is that foot fetishists not only maintain healthy relationships, but are also typically successful getting their partners on board with the fun.

There is no connection between Podophilia and other fetishes, nor is there between any sexual preference. Gay, straight and everything in between can enjoy a set of feet. The only common link seems to be its prevalence in men above women. This could be because of women’s feet maintaining a nicer aesthetic than men’s, but appearance alone does not sell the foot. The interest lies in everything from foot treatments like pedicures and massages to the smell and feel of it. And let’s not forget good old tactile interaction- the smelling, licking and sexual use of feet. Whatever it is, its popularity is rising and becoming more mainstream and with it the normalcy and acceptance of freaky fun!

Jean Samick

Massage in the Bedroom

By Madelaine Dorion
on January 14, 2016
Massage in the Bedroom

by: Jean Samick

Giving your sex life a boost doesn’t necessarily mean busting out the whips and chains and enrolling you and a partner in bondage classes. Sex is more about intercourse, it’s also about intimacy and relieving a little tension. So what better way to be intimate, relaxed and also sneak some foreplay in? Bedroom massage.

Massage in the bedroom can manifest in a few different ways. Maybe you and your partner need a chaperone on your journey to relaxville, so a partner massage could be a great way to get comfortable with the process. By having a masseuse lead the way through not only the act of rubbing down your muscles, but putting you in the frame of mind and physical setting to relax your mind as well as body, can be helpful in giving you pointers on how to do it back at home. Dimming the lights, putting on some calming music and warming up the room are all good practices to adapt. Nothing will snap you out of zen-land faster than being cold, hearing your neighbours TV or being able to see that crack in the ceiling you keep trying to forget about. This time is for you and your partner, so block out the rest of the world just as you would in a spa. That means no phones!

When you get to the actual massage part, remember to include the whole body in your saucy exploration. Don’t just stick to the back and shoulders, massage out each leg from thigh to calf to feet. Intertwine your fingers with theirs toes and hands to increase the blood flow, and alternate pressure and methods of rubbing to do the same through the muscles. Get your fingers into their hair (length permitting) and run your fingertips gentle over their scalp, just like at the hairdresser. Explore every inch of their body and re-familiarize yourself with your partner. Increasing the circulation through your partners body will make them more sensitive to your touch and enhance the feeling of the massage.

Alright, so what do you need for supplies? It depends how fancy you want to get, but at the bare minimum you probably want some lotion or baby oil so you don’t end up rubbing your partner raw. You want enough of a barrier between their skin that your hands can slide easily over their body, but without creating a messy lotion puddle beneath them. Imagine you’re moisturizing your partners skin very slowly, and ration out what you need per area of the body instead of trying to cover it all at once. After that, it’s all up to your personal comfort. Scented candles provide a nice smell and appropriately dimmed light, and you can get fancy oils or blindfolds but it’s all up to your personal exploration. Having a soft firm surface to lay on with a light sheet or blanket nearby will also keep your partner at maximum comfort.

It’s ok to laugh a little while you and your partner are finding your footing so to speak. Massage in the bedroom might seem a bit corny, or like something reserved for people too prudish to get crazy, but in fact it’s the opposite. The slow and methodic rhythm to massage is a slow and teasing sort of foreplay that can be drawn out as long as you wish. You and your partner could hit a frenzy by the time you’re done both legs, or you could draw things out while you switch roles as masseuse. Just be careful not to fall asleep before the fun!

Jean Samick

Check out our Workshops on massage and more!

Why Explore Squirting?

By Wicked Wanda's
on January 14, 2016
Why Explore Squirting?

By: Julia Muse

There are a million reasons to explore the untapped sexual potential of your amazing female body. As a citizen sexual scientist and sex educator, I have boiled it down to the  heart of three main points. Three reasons why it is important to your empowerment that you explore the reaches and the boundaries of your physical and spiritual self.

  1. To know more about the capabilities of your body.

The female body is absolutely incredible. In my opinion, our culture has failed miserably in the empowerment of women, no matter how far we think we have come. Our cultural norms suggest that women need any number of products and fancy clothes and accessories and make up just so we can leave the house feeling confident. We are told from day one that our bodies are gross, inadequate, leaky, smelly, incapable of birthing children without aid and barely capable of orgasm. If we are not sexual, we are frigid and cold and if we are too sexual we are whores and sluts. My goal is to convey to women that there is not an ounce of truth to our misguided and archaic cultural story. There was a time, before the rise of patriarchy, when women were the equal leaders of their villages. When women were respected as contributing and essential members of the tribe. When we were appreciated for our special gifts of empathy, communication and intuition. The gifts of women are slowly being realized today in the infancy of our feminist movement. We are rising up to challenge the misconceptions of our culture to write a new story. What I hope to convey to women is that our sexuality need not be a hindrance. Our sexuality is a great gift and an aspect of our lives which can be improves (improved?), daily, for free. No gym memberships or new shoes are required. No permission is required. You have the power to explore your own amazing body and it’s infinite capabilities by yourself or with a trusted and respectful partner. It is not a competition. You need not emulate the acrobatics of the lovely ladies of adult films (unless you want to!) You need not feel inadequate if your body doesn't work the same way as another or if you don't enjoy the same things as it seems as though other women enjoy. What you might need is more faith in your body. More faith in your ability to use sexual release to transcend the everyday, strengthen your relationship with yourself and your partner(s) or potential partners. I believe that with the proper support, safety, respect and atmosphere that most women are capable of female ejaculation and it is my goal to teach as many women as I can what I have learned.

  1. To strengthen and improve your relationship with yourself and/or your partner

In order to truly love yourself and your body, it is imperative that you spend some time in playful exploration. Whether that be on your own or with a partner is up to you! You are the one who writes your own story. Consider the possibility that female ejaculation may be within your reach as this is the first step to getting there. Keep in mind that your partner may need some time to adjust to your new found interest in your own empowerment. Your partner might be used to you behaving in a certain fashion and may consider your freedom to do and learn what you like about your body intimidating. Remember that you are an autonomous individual and you can tailor your life and your relationships to suit your inquisitive spirit. If you are attempting the journey solo, good for you! You have taken your own pleasure into your hands and have great courage. There are many toys and aids that can assist you as a solo squirter, but the most important is probably a solid (glass, metal, wood, acrylic) toy designed specifically for to hit your G Spot. Some women are capable of reaching it themselves (they must have longer arms than I!) and some women can even squirt WITHOUT G spot stimulation. You will never know until you try. Squirting usually requires a great deal of friction and pressure, which is why a lot of women tell me they cannot do it solo. Once my partner figured out I could squirt, I was also quite skeptical that I could achieve this feat solo, but now I find that I have a much higher level of control over these things than I could have foreseen. If you need a confidence booster, spend some time building up the strength of your kegel muscles with benwa balls or a Magic Banana. A fun kegel builder game to play with your partner involves you squeezing your kegels as hard as you can around their member or hand. This builds your squirting muscles and can improve your sex life, your partners sex life, assist in pregnancy and childbirth and keep you pelvic floor toned. Everyone wins! As for intimacy, the journey towards female ejaculation requires trust and support. 

  1. To relieve stress and the build-up of negative energy

Squirting can be intense. It can envelop you whole. It can raise you up off the bed both figuratively and literally. You may make noises you and your partner have never heard. You may tense up or even require bondage to feel safe and secure. You might feel a flood of endorphins, a flood of positive emotion or a flood of tears. I experienced all these things when I first learned. For me, squirting is the ultimate release. The idea is to surrender yourself to something that is completely outside of your control. I find the fact that female ejaculation is barely recognized by science and barely accepted by our culture to be one of the most unfortunate of failures. It is a purposeful cutting off of our mind, body, and spirit connection. The wise women saints of the past like Hildegard von Bingen and Theresa of Avila used to channel this energy into their worship of divinity. They would have ecstatic experiences loving their God because they were open to being enveloped, they were surrendering themselves to God. Some have interpreted these episodes as pseudo sexual and I would tend to agree that this theory makes sense. These women had devoted their lives and bodies to a higher power and believed fully that they could be 'possessed' by the Holy Spirit. As a humanist, I think one of the more important connections one can make is with their inner self. Squirting makes me feel closer to something magical and spiritual. It may sound very unscientific or too 'new age' but what we are really tapping into is actually something quite ancient. Something latent. We have the ability to create water seemingly from nothing. I can see why the men folk might have been intimated by this skill, why they might have needed to quell our powerful abilities, keep us in the dark about our own amazing bodies. I can see why our cultural paradigm of Capitalist body shaming stops many women from exploring. In the Victorian age, when women were kept under wraps, in corsets and under the thumb, we were considered to be 'hysterical' is we were overly emotional or if we talked back or used our own brains to think and question. It is pretty telling that the main cure for this 'female issue' was for a so called medical professional to give her a relieving 'paroxysm. In those days (and today in some places) it was believed that women received no pleasure at all from sexual experiences. That we were incapable of orgasms, never mind female ejaculation. Men even invented the vibrator just to facilitate this 'treatment'. Considering that women have always been as sexually amazing as we are now, I think it is almost our duty as free and empowered women to explore where these women were forbidden to. In my opinion, we owe them our present pleasure and we owe it to them to have some courage to explore where they were forbidden. I have never felt more peaceful, at ease and comfortable with myself and my partner than after an intense squirting session. All the pent up stress of the day is released with this amazing viscous fluid that my body created in no time at all out of virtually nothing. My partner can almost diagnose my pent up energy, can tell when I need a good session of release and surrender. He can ejaculate my negative energy with the power of his love for me and his faith in my body. After squirting I feel at peace, I feel more in tune with my body and intuition, I feel clarity and I feel empowered. I go through a range of emotions that I cannot explore during the daily grind. This is what I desire to share.

It is important to trust yourself. If you are trying new things with a partner, make sure they are respectful, supportive and trustworthy. Make sure you have a safe word, so if things get too intense, you can convey that information. Female ejaculation is the destination, but what is far more important is the journey. What is far more important is the intention in your actions, your belief in female abilities and your curiosity. Squirting is intense, but it is also playful. Your body is a playground that you are finally allowed to play on. Have fun!

 

By: Julia Muse

Role Playing

By Madelaine Dorion
on January 14, 2016
Role Playing

By: Lilith

“The element of play has an important role in my life, and I think that should be the case in the life of every artist. Our life is occupied with playing, whether we play an instrument or a role.” –Dietrich Fischer- Dieskau

Our popular culture as of late has been so thoroughly saturated with a certain kind of role-playing that it is hard to imagine any other kinds, or why anyone outside of hardcore kinksters would want to enjoy it… thanks a lot Fifty Shades. Yet the essential core of role-playing is not situated in the darkest, scariest dungeon for most, but is instead based upon a change in scenery or a change in the motions. Arguably, we has human beings are always playing roles, whether that be our gender or our professions, or perhaps as entertaining friend and supportive family member, these are all roles. Many believe these to be simply inherent in life and in a sense that is true, because we have established as a culture that that is how our social system works: you must have one gender, you must have one profession, and you must be one person at all times. Yet, these constraints on ourselves can be subverted and it is often through that subverting that we can find pleasure and sometimes find a place where we truly feel like ourselves.

There is immense power in being able to decide who and what you are. Whether for erotic purposes or not, role-playing is a wonderful exercise in the meaning and use of power. Some would understand power as inherently oppressive or problematic as the saying that power corrupts is common among our culture and popular in movie plotlines- power is simply the interaction between beings. This includes the power people have when they freely give their power to another or when that person accepts that power with respect and a humbling appreciating of that gift. You see this kind of loving exchange of power in fulfilling Dominant and Submissive relationships, where the submissive has a resounding amount of power because they have the ability to give it to their Dominant. Yet, the exchange of power within role-play goes beyond the dungeon and BDSM relationship; you can find it when people use the scenario of teacher/ students, employer/ employee, or doctor/ patient. While these kinds of dynamics can breed abuse and illegal activities in active life, within a safe and agreed upon circumstance the power dynamic can be heightened or completely changed for sexual arousal in a positive and fulfilling way.

There are many types of role-playing, really too many to list, and often mainstream society feels uncomfortable with some of them because they may seem deviant or problematic if practiced in active life. This may include Priest/ Choirboy, Mommy/ Child or the feminization of men for example. What must be stressed here is that those who participate in role-playing for erotic purposes (and many people do), they do not necessarily want to practice those roles outside in their active life and in fact the reasons why some enjoy the schoolgirl look (for example) is complicated and does not mean that that individual wants to have sexual relations with an underage girl. Remember that power dynamics are always in play in our lives and during role-playing, power can be even more relevant as for example- an individual may feel less powerful around a person dressed like a schoolgirl because it reminds them of the dynamics in highschool and this arouses them.

For some, they explore role-playing because they want to spice up their sex life and this can be achieved in many different ways. A scene can be set by using only one piece of clothing or an entire outfit, perhaps one toy or an entire stage of props. For some, they enjoy role-playing by pretending they do not know a partner but instead meet them for the “first time” in a bar. Essentially what I am saying is that role-playing can be a wonderfully creative expression of love and sexuality and that there is no one formula for everyone to follow. What I do caution for those interested in role-play is that you do it in a relationship with a partner you trust. While this may seem limiting, it is because role-playing successfully requires a lot of communication between people and without trust and respect already established the power dynamics could turn problematic and abusive. Consent is so important and if things are not discussed beforehand then there is no consent, which is illegal. The element of surprise should be sacrificed in this sense. An option is to have an agreed upon signal such as a certain necklace or pair of socks which indicates that your partner is interested in enacting a previously agreed upon scene, and that the other partner has signaled in their own way through an agreed upon statement that they are also interested. Communication is absolutely necessary with role-playing.

So why not try spicing it up? With communication and some planning, your night could turn into a fantasy which is titillating and erotic in a safe and positive environment. Open up to your partner about fantasies you have and be open to theirs as well. Being supportive and non-judgmental leads to better relationships, sex and role-playing for all involved. Start with an outfit or prop and experiment from there. Above all, remember that sex is supposed to be fun and fantasies are just an extension of that.

So may your fantasies come true.

 By: Lilith

Check out our workshops for fun ways to spice up your bedroom!

A Conversation about Online Fetish Communities

By Wicked Wanda's
on January 14, 2016
A Conversation about Online Fetish Communities

By: Jean Samick

Gone are the days when people had to hide their unconventional wants and desires. In this day and age, letting ones freak flag fly high and proud is less shocking than it used to be and online communities for fetishists have popped up all over the internet. Some like FetLife and Fetster have over millions of users indulging their wild sides, and there’s no end to the freaky content available at your fingertips. Talking about where to buy furry costumes or the fastest way to tie Shibari aren’t exactly things that you can talk about at your weekly book club. These online communities provide a stable and safe place where they can get information and share ideas with other like-minded adults.

 

FetLife is one of the better known online fetish communities that boast just over 4 million users in just under 100,000 groups sharing pictures, blog posts and advice across forums ranging from mainstream to niche kink. It’s free, but does require signing up, something which the website consistently assures protects privacy of its users first and foremost. The people who run the website are kinksters themselves, so no shame or judgement is thrown around and it’s a completely safe and accepting community of people who share naughtier interests. FetLife’s wealth of information is not to go unmentioned either; those feeling out new fetishes or seeking guidance about safety and limitations have the ability to talk to seasoned experts. Fetishists really love to talk about their hobbies if you’re interested in listening.

Fetster is another well-known online community with much the same highlights and a few tiny differences. While FetLife makes it known in their About page that the website is not a meat market, Fetster seems to lean more towards using their site as a dating or hook-up website. It puts focus on the websites ability to seek people out specifically, rather than talking to groups of people about interests. It boasts the ability to narrow your search for someone based on details like sexual orientation, gender and kink, and doesn’t limit the amount of messages that can be sent per hour. It works much like a kinky Facebook, with friend groups and instating messaging.

Like anything else, precautions must be taken and safety is of the utmost importance. We’re not talking about safe words and having lube nearby, we’re talking thinking long and hard about what kind of information you want to disclose online. Remember that everything online is permanent, and while safety precautions are in place to protect information, be aware that people online may keep track of it themselves. Think about how private you want to keep your private life, and know your limitations going in and what details to put in your profile. If you play it safe, these online communities can be a nurturing environment for your inner kinkster and a source of support for those just trying things out.

By: Jean Samick

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