As kink and BDSM become more mainstream and growing in popularity, sexstores are increasingly trying to meet the demand and thus there are so many different tools, toys and learning material to get you started on your kinky path. Where to start, what to get and how to use them become important questions for beginners and even those more advanced in their exploration. Here we have listed Wicked Wanda's top 8 kink kit essentials for those experimenting and exploring. Of course, it is highly debatable what are essential kink items and every kinkster will have a slightly different kit depending on the type of play they enjoy and so on. Experimentation is one of the best parts of kink so try out a couple of tools and toys and see what works.
Note: Kink and BDSM functions on a key rule: Safe, Sane. Consensual. If play ever breaks this rule then no longer is it kink and BDSM and often it will be considered illegal and dangerous.
1. Blindfold: Blindfolds are a perfect way to start experimenting with kink for aesthetic and practical purposes. While a blindfold can be a great way to set a scene and get someone in the mode, it can also relieve pressure and nervousness for both partners. The submissive partner or the person being dominated becomes released from responsibility of what is happening. They are no longer in charge and can relax and submit to their partner's actions. There is a wonderful saying that there is "happiness in submission" and this is largely the appeal for submissives or slaves. The Dominant partner also becomes released from having to perform in some senses. Of course they are still instigating the play but say they drop a toy or stumble in their heels, the submissive cannot see this and therefore the Dominant also becomes released from their nervousness and can relax into the role without pressure. Of course the primary purpose of a blindfold is to block a person from seeing, which can sharpen other senses and sensations and they no longer know where the sensations may come from--heightening the thrill and surprise. All playing should be spoken about before engaging in play especially once the submissive partner becomes more immobilized, this is to ensure consent and a pleasurable fulfilling experience for all involved.
2. Bondage Tape: When beginning to experiment with bondage, safety becomes extremely important. You can start your bondage exploration with many different types of toys and tools such as handcuffs, rope, leather cuffs and so forth but the safest and often most cost efficient tool is bondage tape. Many of the other tools often leave marks and require a certain level of training to use properly and safely with fun results, bondage tape however requires very little learning and can be quite versatile. This kind of tape is unique because it does not have adhesive but rather the material sticks to itself creating a nice firm hold without residue that your partner may be sensitive too. Another positive is that with enough force, your partner can break from the bondage tape if needed. Whether you want to do a simple wrist tie to a bed-frame or door, or hogtie someone, this tool is safe enough and versatile enough to handle your creativity. You can even use the tape as a gag or blindfold because it has no adhesive.
Note: Never wrap tape or any other kind of bondage material around the neck. This is very dangerous and can easily lead to serious injuries or death. If you want to experiment with breath play or withholding oxygen, do some serious research first and discuss with your partner in depth. Most kinksters and kink stores like Wicked Wanda's do not suggest any kind of breath play because of the level of danger.
3. Feather Duster or Crop: When experimenting with different sensations, pain is not always the goal. In fact, many kinksters prefer very little pain in their play, instead focusing more on mind-games, role-playing or sensation play. A feather duster is a great way to experiment with sensitive spots without intimidating your partner or risking any kind of harm. You can explore your partner's body or your own and often pairing this with some bondage and sense-deprivation like blindfolds or gags can enhance the sensation of the feathers. Crops are fun as well if you want to lean more to domination or little to mild pain. The wonderful advantage of crops are that they are extensions of your hand and so you can guide and control your partner with the crop head and correct them if need be. This can be a very fun way to tease and do some role-playing without getting hardcore. Crops are easy to wield and often are not overly painful. Again playing with the sensation spectrum, crops allow for sensual exploration without much training or practice.
Note: Even with little play like using a crop there are still areas of the body you should avoid hitting in case of injury and/or permanent damage. This includes head, neck, spine, stomach (kidneys and bladder don't like being hit at all), joints (shoulders, hips, elbows, ankles and knees). Many of these are common sense areas not to hit however it is best to clarify with your partner and ask if they have any sore spots or a bad arm for example. Remember that meaty areas like the butt, thighs, and back (across the shoulder-blades) are great places to hit depending on what your partner wants. Safe, Sane and Consensual always.
4. Paddles: One of my personal favorites for kink play is a simple wooden paddle. There are many different kinds of paddles, made of different materials like leather, plastic, rubber, metal and plexi-glass but a classic is classic for a reason and wood rocks aesthetically and practically. For some, paddles have a wonderful sound upon impact that they love and crave, whereas others love the soft but firm impact itself. Generally used as a spanking tool due to its often non-flexible design, a paddle can make a dominant feel powerful and a submissive feel pleasurably helpless. As with any play, especially impact play, partners should discuss boundaries and what they are willing to try (soft-limits) and not (also known as hardlimits). Many who start spanking will use a flat hand for heighten control of where the impact lands and for the intimacy of skin on skin contact, others prefer to use a paddle so to not wear out their hands. Even for some, it is the threat of the paddle which brings excitement and tension into a scene, whether it is used or not. Of course, be careful where you hit and follow the guidelines above. Also do some research before you start leaving marks on people's body.
Note: Most kinksters, whether they are doing impact play or experimenting with pain or bondage or not, will have a safe word that a submissive can use if the play becomes too hard or they are uncomfortable for any reason and want to stop. Some prefer using a colour system where green is good, yellow is nearing the edge and red is stop. Others prefer a word they would never use in play to signal the dominant to stop like pineapple or hedgehog. Make sure it is easy for both you and the dominant to remember and when the word or colour is used, this means to immediately stop. If your submissive cannot speak because of a gag or other reasons, make sure to provide another method to communicate with. A pair of keys is a great way to make noise signalling the dominant to stop when they are drop out of the submissive's hand. While hopefully the safeword is never needed, it is important to have this safety measure to ensure safe and fun play and to put all parties at ease.
5. The Hitachi Magic Wand or other Vibes: An exciting part of kinky play is the tease and sexual gratification or even withholding an orgasm to further tease. This can be a kind of consensual torture to stimulate the submissive with vibrating toys or wandering hands yet not allow release or to dictate when release is allowed. Many kinksters love the Hitachi Magic Wand due to its power, durability and long-lasting life (Check out Lilith's review of the rechargeable HERE). Pick a favorite vibe and tease your submissive. This can be for submissives of any gender, the trick is to experiment with what gets an reaction.
6. Rope: When exploring how creative your bondage arrangements can be, rope can often be considered essential for its extremely versatile applications and the beautiful visual appeal of it on the body. This is not as user-friendly as bondage tape because to use it properly and to its fullest capacity one should check out; rope classes, workshops and tutorials. There are dangers when playing with rope which include nerve-damage, suffocation, and bruising, so being safe and careful about how you use rope is important. Youtube has many fantastic videos to help teach you from the comforts of your home. There are also many different kinds of rope including silk, bamboo silk, hemp, cotton and Jute. All of them have different textures, strength and price tags. Often beginners start with silk or cotton ropes because they are inexpensive but they do start to fringe and breakdown over time quicker than others. Experiment with what texture and strength you need within your budget to see what works for you. There are so many different colours as well!
7. Gags: There are many types of gags which you can play with, including the traditional ball gag, breathers (with holes for easier breathing), open gags, spider gags, and etc. There are also different sizes to best fit the submissive's mouth. Look for a gag with nice soft edges near the mouth so to make sure your submissive's mouth won't be cut or bruised by wearing the gag. As another form of sense- deprivation, gags block the submissive from speaking and thus makes them more helpless and the dominant more powerful and in control. They can also help to limit the amount of noise made if your neighbors are close by. Remember to give the submissive another way to communicate if they have reached their limit.
Note: While it is often stressed that the submissive should have a safeword and be in control of the situation ending if they react their limit, many forget that dominants are people with limits as well. A dominant should also be able to stop play if it gets too intense or they feel uncomfortable without feeling ashamed or afraid of disappointment. Whether they use a word or simply stop the play, dominants also need to be considered during play. Submissives who push their dominant's past their comfort lines are enacting a kind of dangerous topping from the bottom and often this is a good indicator of an unhealthy BDSM or kink relationship, just as a dominant pushing a submissive past their limits raises warning flags as well. Aftercare therefore, is for both partners-not just the submissive.
8. Nipple Clamps: Another tool for sensation play which can causes pain or heightened sensitivity, nipple clamps are versatile and vary considerably based on type, size and material. Some are used to decorate the body while others are used during play, and this largely depends on what kind of experience you are looking for. Often beginners should start with very adjustable clamps because it is difficult to know how hard a submissive can take. Tweezer clamps are great for this but check out all the other different kinds because while function is important aesthetic is too. Don't keep nipple clamps on too long for they do cut off blood-flow. Generally, your submissive will tell you if they have lost feeling in their nipples and this is a good sign to take of the clamps. You can also use clamps on the vaginal lips, clitoris or the scrotum, have fun experimenting and trying out what gets your submissive wiggling.
This is only a small list of some tools and toys to consider when exploring the wonderful and creative world of kink. It doesn't take a ton of money or time to try out these 8 things but it does take some research. Come into Wicked Wanda's and chat with our knowledgeable staff or look up some books to get you started. We also have interesting workshops every month to give you ideas and/or to sharpen your skills.
Play safe my kinky friends.