Sexpertise: Sounding

By Wicked Wanda's
on January 07, 2016
Sexpertise: Sounding

By: Jean Samick

For some, the idea of inserting anything into their urethra sounds at least mildly uncomfortable. Most aren’t exactly eager for catheters at the hospital, but to those who subscribe to a fetish known as “sounding’, catheters might actually be the upside to a procedure. Urethral Sounding is the insertion of probes known as “sounds’ into the urethra, the tube in your penis or vagina that connects to the bladder you urinate out of. Sounding can be incredibly pleasurable if done safely, but the risks associated with the process can lead to infection or damage of the tract.

Medically speaking, Urethral Sounding is a method used by professionals to widen the urethra to remove any obstructions or widen a stricture, which is a narrowing of the urethra as a result of Urinary Tract Infections (UTIs) or Urethritis. Sounds are traditionally made of metal like stainless steel (see Figure 1 - below), but can be soft or rigid items inserted into the urethra about halfway. Sounds can vary in length as well, ranging from those that can only be inserted a few inches to those that can be inserted into the bladder. The probes can be curved or have a bulbous head at the end, or in more extreme versions fish hooks at the end. Roughly 4–17 centimetres in diameter, these probes cause a pleasurable dilation effect when used for sounding. The urethra is filled with nerve endings and is quite sensitive, with the prostatic gland in the penis at the base. This means in addition to the tract itself being stimulated, the prostate can be stimulated as the sound is slid in and removed, triggering or intensifying an orgasm.

Now, all of this is based off the idea that you are using sterile tools for your fun. It is important to stress that anything foreign inserted into the urethra of questionable cleanliness is a very bad idea. At the very least, you run the risk of contracting UTI’s, tearing your urethra or contracting Urethritis. UTIs are also commonly known as bladder infections, and cause a burning sensation when urinating. The worst that could happen? Anything from creating a Blind Track which can lead to Peyronie’s Disease, to internal bleeding. Internal bleeding is pretty straightforward, but a blind track is when an insertion creates scar tissue that leads to plaque buildup in the penis, resulting in Peyronie’s. That plaque buildup leads to curvature or bend the penis when it becomes erect, which is quite painful and can be permanent. The likelihood of all of these risks increases when people use foreign objects such as wire, batteries or straws as sounds.

Playing safe can lead to pleasure and keep you out of the doctor’s office. Sounding kits are sold at Wicked Wanda’s, and the staff is happy to explain the different ways you can use these toys safely. Cleanliness is next to godliness in this case, so make sure you clean your instruments after every use. If you notice any discomfort urinating, head to the doctor. Don’t shorten your pleasure by damaging your goods!

 You can find our selection of sounding rods in-store today

Jean Samick

Douching - Anal and Vaginal - The Facts

By Wanda Cotie
on January 07, 2016
Douching - Anal and Vaginal - The Facts

By: Jean Samick

Note from Lilith: Douching or enemas is a trend which we at Wicked Wanda’s are asked about quite a bit, especially the health concerns regarding it. While the saying “a fresh bum is a happy bum,” is used quite often when speaking of doing any kind of anal exploration, we wanted to get the health facts for you, courtesy of our newest blog writer Jean Samick. We wanted to get the down and dirty about vaginal and anal douching, not from an esthetic perspective but of a health one.

There’s a lot of talk about whether douching is as harmful as people claim, or whether it’s really just a nice way to stay fresh. For those who aren’t familiar, Douching is the washing or cleansing of the inside of the vagina or anus. A douche is a bag and is not just your cousin that broke your playstation as a teenager, but also a device with a tube or nozzle attached that is squirted upwards into the vagina or anus to purge. Water is the most common mixture, but baking soda, vinegar and iodine are also used.

 

Let’s start with the vagina. Healthy vaginas have a good and harmful bacterial balance that is compromised when a person douches. The bacteria helps protect against infections or irritation and naturally flushes blood, semen and discharge. Off-setting this balance by douching increases the risk of pregnancy, STI’s and HIV infections because the good bacteria that normally fights infection has been washed away. Infections that are most commonly linked to douching the vagina are Bacterial Vaginosis and Pelvic Inflammatory Disease. Both are fertility compromising infections that are caused by unbalancing the vaginal bacteria and being exposed to STI’s. Douching does not prevent or protect against pregnancy or STI’s, and often pushes the douche mixture into the uterus, fallopian tubes and ovaries. Douching post coital doesn’t protect against pregnancy and in fact it can lead to premature birth, damage to the fallopian tubes can put people at a higher risk for ectopic pregnancy. Ectopic pregnancy occurs when the egg attaches itself to the inside of the fallopian tube instead of the uterus and can be life-threatening without treatment.

 

So douching the vagina is bad, but the bacteria in the anus isn’t affected the same way, right? While the bacteria culture of the rectum isn’t put at risk, the lining of the rectum is. Flooding the rectum with water ironically dehydrates the colon and makes it absorb fluid much faster. The result of this is the increase absorbency of a persons colon putting them at a greater risk of contracting an STI or HIV. Frequent anal douching can also make a person’s colon reliant on the purge for a bowel movement, causing greater intestinal problems down the line. Douching with anything other than water can irritate the lining again making a person more susceptible to contracting an STI or HIV.

 

Still doesn’t seem that bad? Here are some statistics: According to the U.S. Department of Health and Services those who vaginal douched once a month found it harder to become pregnant than those who did not, and were more likely to deliver a pregnancy earlier than those who did not. Those who douched once a week were also five times more likely to have Bacterial Vaginosis than those who did not. On top of that, the University of California published a study this past February showing that people were 74% more likely to contract an STI or HIV than those who did not douche.

 

If you’re douching because the vagina is irritated, painful, itchy or has a burning sensation a doctor should be consulted. Washing outside the vagina and anus with mild soap will not affect the bacteria inside, but may lead to dryness of the skin and irritation. Be good to your parts!

Jean Samick

Lilith: From the evidence reported by our lovely blog writer, it is best to stay away from vaginal douching all together but anal douching is alright in small doses. From Wanda herself, she recommends never to do vaginal douching and to do anal douching no more than once a week. If one is in the mood for deep anal penetration with a penis or strapon, then a rinse may make partners more comfortable but ultimately it comes down to being okay that “shit happens”.

BDSM in the Mainstream

By Wicked Wanda's
on January 07, 2016
BDSM in the Mainstream

 By: Jean Samick

BDSM has become wildly popular lately, no longer strictly for horny bachelorette parties or bored housewives looking to be scandalized. Kink is something most can get on board with, whether it be solo or exploring their partner’s wilder side. BDSM’s new found popularity can likely be attributed to it becoming more mainstream; with kink workshops, themed literature and movies popularizing getting on with one’s bad self. Now everyone can get information on BDSM and safely, try out some of their innermost fantasies as easily as hitting up their neighbourhood sex shop or googling the best way to use butt-plugs.

BDSM incorporates everything from roleplay to bondage to submission and dominance. It’s not just whips and chains (unless you’re into that), it can be handcuffs and blindfolds, dressing up and getting spanked as the naughty schoolgirl or getting teased and denied an orgasm all day until a set time. BDSM is so broad there’s something for everyone, and typically the fun four letter acronym is used as an umbrella term for everything a little freaky.

Submission and dominance are one of the more common threads of BDSM and encompasses sadomasochism and switches, who bounce between dominant and submissive roles. Bondage and discipline are another common branch of BDSM that involve submission and dominance, as well as Master and Slave specific play which can be both in the bedroom and carry through into real life outside of it. These power games are based off consent, which can be withdrawn at any time during the act with the use of a safe word and are typically discussed well in advance or immediately before by both consenting parties.

While there is a lot of information out there about BDSM culture and what it encompasses, there is equally as much misinformation based off of interpretations of that culture. 50 Shades of Grey is the most commonly read BDSM novel that does not in any way represent what a common and healthy BDSM relationship would be. BDSM culture is about control and communication like the storyline of 50 Shades of Grey, but the difference is both parties are supposed to feel safe. When a BDSM relationship is initially broached a conversation about boundaries, limits and consent takes place. Safe words and communication is paramount. "When two people want to get involved, their negotiation is up front," Sex Educator Robert Dunlap has said, "They are going to have a safe word: 'When I say, it ends. Period.' Most use a stop sign. Green means 'go.' Yellow means 'caution' and 'red' ends it.” Dunlap interviewed hundreds of fetishists for his 2001 film Beyond Vanilla, which looks at the kink’s people seek out to fill a void in their plain sex lives.

So get naughty, try new things and discover new ways to have fun with yourself or partner. If you never explore something that tickles your fancy, you may miss out on a world of pleasure you never expected. Don’t worry about diving in, there are plenty of opportunities to talk to local experts, take in a workshop or two, or seek out some information in the privacy of your home.

 Jean Samick

You can get all of your BDSM needs at Wicked Wanda's Adult Emporium including special and custom order items! Come in today to talk to our knowledgeable staff! We also host workshops every month!

Waxing Philosophical

By Wicked Wanda's
on January 03, 2016
Waxing Philosophical

By: Jasmine Aziz

©2015 CC License

The Art of Unnatural Naturalness

I was born with so much hair on my head that the nurses used to argue about who would get to braid it. The only problem was that my thick mane wasn’t limited to my little head, it continued down my face from my forehead right to my one solid eyebrow. Initially, my relatives said that I was “lucky” to have so much of my face covered in hair but the fact is, for me, it never felt lucky. It marked a lifelong fight with my follicles that would shape and then reshape my relationship with what is considered conventional beauty.

When I was in my late teens and visiting with family in India, I was getting tired of the constant pressure to consider finding a mate so I decided I would let my facial hair grow out in the hopes that it would alleviate the incessant nagging. Maybe, if they thought I was a boy, I foolishly reasoned with myself, they’d leave me alone.

The unibrow and mini moustache that first grew in wasn’t enough to dissuade the proposals. Once the soul patch and then full goatee took over I was constantly being asked to go to the “salon” and get myself threaded or waxed. One Aunty looked over at me during a wedding ceremony and whispered in my ear, “Darling, don’t be having all this hairy schmairy on your face. Go get it waxed, na? You don’t want to be single forever.”

“What does that matter?” I said. “I’m a natural woman and body hair is natural.”

 

“You can be natural after marriage. Right now you are looking like a teenage boy in heat.”

What did it matter? Why was it okay for every other Indian man on the street to sport a moustache, but not okay for me to enjoy a little peach fuzz over my lips? Why is excessive body hair acceptable in some cultures but reviled in others? What really is the motivation for hair removal? To beat the heat? To be aerodynamic? To be attractive?

For me, I acquiesced and removed the “stache when I found enough crumbs to make a cake on the edges of what threatened to become handlebar extensions. Sure, I might be exaggerating a bit, but the fact is, by virtue of my heritage, I have always been covered in more hair than what I see on the majority of my Western friends and I have struggled with ways of trying to control and make peace with it.

It was in my early twenties that I firmly took charge of my body hair and started waxing, shaving, plucking and threading everything from facial hair to my leg and arm hair.

Finally, by my mid-thirties, I felt like I was in better control and that I was redefining my personal sense of sexy keeping just enough hair everywhere I felt it needed to be. That is until Lamby brought up the subject of pubic hair and how sexy he thought it was for a woman to have no hair there at all.

 

“Why would I do that?” I asked. “It doesn’t seem natural, plus it sounds painful.”

 

“Well, if you’re scared…” I could tell from his expression that he didn’t think I would do it and that he was challenging me more for his own personal amusement than for my benefit.

 

It wasn’t until after I left him that I decided, strictly out of an ill placed desire to stick it to him and prove that I was indeed brave enough to try it, that I endured my first Brazilian wax.

Many people ask me how much of “Sex & Samosas” was based on my own life and I can honestly say that my protagonist Leena goes through a very similar first time experience.

Here’s an excerpt from my novel when Leena, along with her best friend Mahjong, has her first wax done by an esthetician named Hannah who works out of the basement of her suburban house.

Hannah took a wooden stick dripping with wax in her hand and gently touched the tip to her exposed wrist above her gloved fingers. She pressed it against the mound of flesh on my pubic bone and slowly scraped it down the edge toward my thighs. The gooey wax was more comforting than I thought it would be. The feeling was so warm and soothing it started to relax me.

I began to settle into the paper covering on the table. The smell of the wax made me think of more tropical climes. It wasn’t hard to imagine the paper on the table was a hammock on the beach, the sun beating its lovely warmth down on my tinted skin where the wax was spread.

Hannah started to make idle chatter with Mahjong asking her about her clothing shop and how business was going when the muslin strip of cloth came down to cover the wax.

The cotton felt warm on my skin. I thought I could smell suntan lotion. I waited patiently for my rum to be delivered. I perked my ears up to hear what Mahjong was getting ready to say about her spring line when suddenly my island retreat exploded under volcanic ash and hellfire.

There are no words really to describe what ran through my mind next: hatred, evil, murder. My first instinct, being the primate animal that I am, was to take my fist and ram it down Hannah’s smiling head knocking every one of her big teeth to the back of her throat. She held up the wax strip in the air, long lines of my curly black hair suspended from it like released prisoners waving their wiggly arms. I clenched my fists as if to punch her. The only thing that stopped me from doing so was the ear-piercing wail heard throughout the room.

“Aaaah!!! Son of a bitch!” I screamed. “Don’t touch me ever again!”

My cry was followed by an equally deafening silence and then after a short pause, the roaring laughter of both Hannah and Mahjong.

“That hurts!” I whined. “I’m bleeding! I know it!”

“Calm down, darling,” Hannah said, stifling a smile.

As I tried to rise up from the table to run for the door, she pushed me back and with one hand applied more wax to the next small strip beside the first. I’m not sure how that little woman managed to do it, but before I could come to my senses or even get half way into an upright position she was yanking off the second strip and I was begging for mercy again.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!” I cussed. “I can’t take it! I’m bleeding! I have to be!”

“You are not bleeding, darling,” Hannah continued. “What doesn’t kill you makes you –”

I cut her off and barked: “Stronger? You better not say that! Don’t feed me that crap! What doesn’t kill you makes you lame! I’m lame!”

“Actually,” she said holding back a laugh, “I was going to say what doesn’t kill you makes me a winter house in the Keys.”

Mahjong tried to muffle her own laughter and smacked Hannah on her behind.

I was unaware of anything else. I wished the pain would take me to that sickly sweet dark place where I would pass out from it and wake up in the hospital on the road to recovery a large bag of morphine already dripping directly into my veins.

“I mean it!” I said. “I’m done! Stop it! For God’s sake!”

“You know my other Indian clients aren’t nearly as delicate as you. I am just trying to get you to relax, especially now that the worst part is coming.” Hannah spread more wax between my legs.

“The mound,” Mahjong said knowingly.

“Yes, love, the mound. But really the worst is over.”

I heard her say the words but they meant nothing to me as she ripped another strip from the other side between my legs.

Perhaps Hannah was sent by the devil. Or perhaps she was the devil. How much would the papers pay, I wondered, to find out that I had discovered the cavern of Satan where you could be tortured and get a pedicure at the same time?

 

It wasn’t of course until much later that I realized no amount of body hair on me or off me defines what is sexy. Sexy comes from the feeling inside – from that connection to myself that exudes confidence no matter what my facial hair is doing.

 

So as spring rounds the corner and you consider removing your surplus of winter body hair, know that this fuzzy friend feels all your follicular frustrations and thinks you’re beautiful exactly the way you are.

 

Jasmine Aziz

Crotchless panties–the “hole” story…

By Wicked Wanda's
on January 03, 2016
Crotchless panties–the “hole” story…

By:Jasmine Aziz, Sexpert™

Back when I used to sell vibrators, a large part of my product line was also lingerie. When I first started I would lug a heavy clothing rack, neatly arrange all the lace pieces on it and espouse the wonder of the fabrics, the price and the overall cute factor. I was repeatedly told the same thing: “What’s the point Jasmine? You spend $80 on something and it ends up on the floor in two minutes.”That’s a tough point to argue. “But it’s on sale…and you’ll look so pretty,” only got me so far. And then I did a party for some real life models. I mean the kind that tower over you, have flawless features and look like they may fall over if a strong wind were to blow through the room. They had the very bodies that pose in the pieces of lace and chiffon on magazine covers. So when the lingerie was presented, I was excited to be able to sell them frilly things that would look stunning on them.

“I’d feel self-conscious in that,” one said.

“I don’t want to pay that much for something that will end up on the floor,” another said.

“I’m too fat for that,” was the last comment I heard.

“Are you girls kidding me? You’ll look gorgeous in these! If I had your bodies, I would grocery shop naked!” They either avoided making eye contact with me or fumbled with their penis pencils. Yes, I gave them penis pencils…for dick-tation of course :)

I realized there was no point in appealing to them as the sexual goddesses I could see they were when none of them seemed to feel the same way about themselves. I took out the crotchless panties and proceeded to tell them the five reasons every woman should have a pair in her drawer (some pun intended).

Reason one: Sure, you could spend hundreds on a sexy outfit and it will end up on the floor. These are under $20 and they STAY ON!

Reason two: If you are having sex with a man, never underestimate how visual they can be. These panties look stunning on and fluff up your lady bits into a visual feast he can focus on.

Reason three: And if your partner is a man, let’s face it, he may have no clue what he’s doing down there. With these panties on, you can guide him by keeping it really simple and telling him to “stay inside the lines”.

Reason four: Having the panties on is an incredible experience because half your mind thinks you are wearing clothes, but the other half thinks you are naked. It’s a great way to trick your biggest sex organ: your brain – into relaxing into the sensuality of the experience and allowing yourself to feel less inhibited if you think you are still partially clothed.

Reason five: If you’re having a bad day, and let’s face it, we all have those, put on a skirt, wear your crotchless panties and go grocery shopping. The feel of the breeze against your skin combined with the mixed signals your brain will give you thinking you are both naked and dressed in the local Farm Boy will ensure that you spend your time smiling and not focusing on your sorrows. Sure, you may go home with a lot more frozen food than you intended – that frosty draft up your skirt can be a real turn on – but it will totally be worth it!

That night almost every one of those models left with a pair of these panties. Several of them emailed me later to tell me that they had engaged in some of the best sex of their lives while wearing them because they felt so relaxed and natural. And one statuesque beauty in particular who told me that she had to wear a t-shirt every time she had sex said she finally ditched the jersey, wore the panties and had her first orgasm. Those are the kinds of moments that made that job one of the best I ever had.

And you don’t need Valentine’s Day as an excuse to wear these panties. Wear them at your high school reunion. You won’t care that your old school rival Jenny has a million dollar home, franchised her business, three children all in medical school and four cars in her driveway. You’ll be standing by the open doors of the gymnasium relishing every brisk breeze that wafts up your skirt and smiling like you’ve won the lottery.

Wear them to your next birthday party. Not happy about the clock advancing across your face, time ravaging your skin and gravity pulling on things that were once perky? Then slap on the panties, fluff up your business and raise a glass to embracing your shape and aging with grace.

Wear them whenever you want to seduce your brain. Because quite simply, if you aren’t seducing it, how can you expect anyone else to?

So why not drop by the store and pick yourself out a pair of crotchless panties?

I promise you, it’s a “hole” other adventure just waiting to happen…

By: Jasmine Aziz

10 Steps To A More Positive Body Image

By Wicked Wanda's
on January 02, 2016
10 Steps To A More Positive Body Image

By: Stella Spelld

What is body image?

Body image is how we personally perceive our bodies visually. It is how we feel about our physical appearance and talk to ourselves about our body, especially when looking in a mirror… especially when naked…. We develop a sense of how others view our body which, in the end, affects the level of connectedness to ourselves and our partners.

Body image is a very widespread preoccupation for all ages, sexes and orientations. In a study conducted on a group of college students, 74.4% of the "average-weight" women stated that they thought about their weight/appearance "all the time" or "frequently". But the women weren’t alone; the study also found that 46% of the "average-weight" men surveyed suffered from the same insecurities regarding their bodies.

In today's culture, the media's focus on appearance is at an all-time high, which has significantly increased negative body image. This often causes people to engage in extreme dieting, exercise compulsion, laxative abuse, vomiting, smoking, use of anabolic steroids and other unhealthy practices related to body dissatisfaction. Untreated, these feelings tend to intensify and can lead to Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD) and create problems in relationships with family, friends, partners, work and school. Furthermore, BDD can result in anxiety, depression, and even thoughts about suicide. Fortunately, these issues are very treatable and start with understanding the underlying issues regarding our society's current physical ideals and taking steps towards developing and maintaining a more positive body image.

  1. Appreciate all that your body can do

Loving your body does not require you to be perfectly happy with every aspect of it. It simply means you are in rapport with your body, grateful for the amazing gift that it is, and appreciative for the many pleasures it offers. When you love your body you will feel good about who you are, and you'll feel more attractive, all of which will help your inner light shine more brightly.

  1. Indulge your body in fun, feel-good activities (often)

Be the star of your own fitness program. Walk, run, bike, do yoga, dance, have sex, stay active! Exercise makes you feel good about your body. Keep the focus on your health.

  1. Surround yourself with positive people

Negative people drain us of our energy, making us feel tired and exhausted through constant emotional bullying and manipulation. Do not allow yourself to be treated poorly.

  1. Keep a Top 10 list of things you like about yourself

And read it, often.

  1. Practice Affirmation :

Shut down those voices in your head. Aim to work with your body, not against it.

  1. Become a critical viewer of social and media messages

All media images and messages are constructions. They are NOT reflections of reality.

  1. Wear clothes that are comfortable and make you feel good about your body

Within your wardrobe lie the secrets to looking good and feeling great. When you look good, you feel good and you perform at a much higher level in your personal and professional life.

  1. Help others

Sometimes reaching out to other people can help you feel better about yourself and can make a positive change in our world. Be grateful for all you have and all that you are able to experience.

  1. Don't eat your pain away

Don't punish your body by playing mind games with food. Food is not the enemy. Eat healthy but don't obsess, it's ok to treat yourself sometimes. Maintain a balanced diet and remember to exercise regularly.

10. Remind yourself that beauty is only skin deep.

Beauty is a state of mind, not a state of body.

 

In conclusion, our bodies are an amazing source of intelligence and wisdom, not to mention sensual and erotic experience. Without them, we wouldn't be here.仫

 

Stella Spelld

Hairspiration - To Bush or Not to Bush

By Wicked Wanda's
on January 02, 2016
Hairspiration - To Bush or Not to Bush

 

 By: Julia Muse

Lately we have been experiencing a shift in thinking about our most intimate body hair, and what it means to our sex lives and partners.

What spawned the bush renaissance? Personally, I attribute this new freedom to the most unlikely source, porn. Now I know some of you are thinking that porn is the main reason we were all lining up to have our short and curly's pulled out by the root for extortionate amounts of cash but hear me out. One of my personal favourite porn stars and general awesome lady, Sasha Grey is my hairspiration. Throughout her career, she rocked a nicely trimmed little bush while her peers were as bare as a baby's bottom. On that topic, while I personally do understand the lickable benefits of a nicely and completely bare area on both men and women, it has always been slightly disturbing to me to 'look' like a child down there. Obviously, hair has remained to protect our sensitive areas and to absorb our natural human scent and pheromones to encourage reproduction.

 

My partner is not a big fan of hair. Luckily it is not a deal breaker for him as I am way too low maintenance to maintain much down there, and even more lucky for me he has an exciting shaving fetish which I am now very much inclined to share. One must only take a look at a custom clips4sale website to see that 'shaving' is a whole fetish genre on its own. There are a couple of factors that play out when letting your partner shave you. The first element in this equation of partner hair removal is trust. It is extremely sexy for me to have enough trust in someone to allow them close to my delicate areas with a clipper and razor sharp...well razor. The second element we enjoy is the pleasure delay that preparation for play entails. I get to have a nice bath and then have my favourite person lovingly and carefully tend to my most intimate parts while maintaining some form of decorum. The third element is the novelty of bareness. Since my default state is that of a natural woman, when I get shaved it is a new and exciting experience of sensitivity which I would not get if I was in a no bush state 100% of the time. My partner does a far better job than I do and he even uses a lovely shaving cream that I am usually too low maintenance to bother with. As for me, I have never been too picky about the state of a man's pubes, probably in the same way that no man ever in the history of humanity has refused good sex on the grounds of pubic hair (at least I hope not...ok sure, it might have happened). I understand many men consider shaving because it makes their member appear slightly larger or because they think a girl won't go down on them unless they lose the man bush. I have spoken to many women about it and most of them don't seem too fussy when it comes to hairiness as long as they aren't looking Sasquatch. Another point I need to make is that typically, our shaving sessions are actually preparation for photography or filming and I admit fully that it is much easier to 'see' the action when most or all of your hair is removed.

 

Here is what I have learned in my research about body hair down there; the bush has come full circle and it is back with a hairy vengeance. Western culture seems to be experiencing a hair renaissance driven by the equality movement. We went from the natural bush of 70's porn being the epitome of sexy, to the full Brazilian being the only option and now we seem to have come to a general consensus that most people, (both male and female) just need to see some general maintenance and trimmage. There is even an entire monologue in Eve Ensler's The Vagina Monologues that discusses how a woman's couples therapist suggests she just give in to her husbands desire for a shaved bush. However you feel about your pubic hair, no woman or man should be made to feel gross or unkempt simply for growing hair. If you are so inclined to trim up for your partner to please them, then more power to you, but if someone is forcing you to maintain it at a level that you aren't comfortable with then it may be time for a discussion about the boundaries of your relationship and the ownership of your body. Many people derive great pleasure from seeing their partner pleased and, if it is not too much trouble or you are indifferent to your hair then by all means, experiment with different bush styles! You can even make shapes, dye or vajazzle it!

 

Have a story about the bush you would like to share with us? Do you agree that the bush is back? Let us know how you feel about it!

Julia 'Muse' Winston is a sexual scientist and erotic artist. She is the head researcher and mastermind behind The Squirt Project, and international online resource on the topic of Female Ejaculation. Her workshops are held at Wicked Wanda's in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada

~Julia Muse

Porn: Good or Bad for You?

By Wicked Wanda's
on January 02, 2016
Porn: Good or Bad for You?

By: Gaia

In my personal and professional experience porn can be helpful and beneficial to supporting healthy sexuality if used correctly. But if misused, it can become very personally harmful and destroy relationships. Here are some of the wrong ways to use porn:

            Let porn become an addiction.

            Use porn as an instructional, sex education tool.

            Allow it to distort your vision of what men and women’s bodies and genitals can look like, creating both false, unattainable physical attraction to others’ bodies, or self-hatred of your own.

            Become disrespectful toward your lover. There is a difference between BDSM and kinky sexual play. Kinky play is always SAFE, SANE, and CONSENSUAL. Healthy pain, humiliation, and power exchange is always done from a place of great respect and love.

            Lie or feel guilty, creating shame and distrust in a relationship.

Okay, so those are some of the not-good things about porn, let’s get to the good stuff. While I was in Los Angeles, Calif., I attended a weekend course called “Sexual Attitudes Reassessment” (SAR). We watched many different types of porn and sexual activities to get an idea of what is out there. As you can image I didn’t see much of anything I hadn’t seen before due to my level of personal and professional exploration, but I did see two new things that reaffirmed my own sexual beliefs and values. I often tell my clients to go watch or read porn to help create a spank bank or roller deck of fantasies and desires. I have found if we do not have both a healthy sexual fantasy life and sexual relationship with ourselves it is very hard to share a kick-ass connected and wild sex life with our sexual partners. The right use of porn can support that healthy sexual relationship with oneself and others.

Here are some of the benefits of reading, watching and listening to porn:

            It can help you build your Spank Bank (see exercise below).

            It can boost your sexual arousal levels.

            Sharing what turns you on with your partner by watching, reading and listening together can build your relationship. It’s important how you approach this, don’t just put it on and see what happens. Start with a conversation by saying, “Hey sweetie or hun or (insert pet name here), I really want to know what turns you on and to share with you what turns me on. I was wondering if you would like to read, watch or listen to porn or erotica? If so, can we share it with one another. If not, can we watch some together to see what genre turns you on? I promise not to be judgmental and not to laugh, can you promise the same thing?”

            It can be an important step in healing. Many people were made to feel shameful, guilty, or perverted for enjoying watching sex, dirty movies, or reading porn. Healing your guilt and shame is very powerful. Owning that you enjoy porn as a apart of your sexuality, and a part of your sexual arousal is very important. It is the first step to letting go of shame. Sharing and being honest with your partner is another important step in healing shame. If your partner is against porn, then it is important to figure out a compromise in which both people feel respected and heard. If you are having a hard time with this please reach out to get a professional’s help, don’t sneak around behind your lover’s back. This will only cause more issues.

It is important to remember the mind is one of the biggest turn-ons or turn-offs we have. As humans, we have have a great capacity to experience sexual and non-sexual pleasure. It is important not to judge or hate yourself for your desires. Whatever your fantasy is about, it needs to be allowed to exist within your mind without judgement. This will help put a stop to self-hatred and curb obsessive porn addiction. However, only you can decide which of your sexual desires you want to be made into reality for you. It important to be in line with your values. If you are conflicted with yourself or partner around your desires or healthy use of pornography, please reach out to get some professional support from a non-judgmental coach, therapist, or counselor.

How to create and expand a Spank Bank:

What is a Spank Bank? A Spank Bank is a roller deck of sexual fantasies and desires that you can use when self-pleasuring or can share to turn on your partner.

Our minds can be a great help in turning us on or a great hindrance that turns us off. It is important not to listen to what your mind’s judgement is saying and to start listening to your physical body’s response. Here’s how you learn to do just that:

            Turn off the phones and emails and make sure you are going to be alone and not distributed.

            Choose a new type of porn genre. If you have not been exposed to much porn, I recommend women start with reading sex stories, and men to look at amateur pornography.

            As you’re reading or listening or watching, just make note of how your body is reacting without judgement. If there is a scene that your body is responding to, make a mental note that that is an area to explore further when self-pleasuring.

            Body reaction may include but is not restricted to: heart beat increasing, breathiness, sudden intake of breath, body temperature increasing, pulsation in your genital area, and tingling in different parts of your body. These are all indicators that your sexual arousal levels are awakening.

 

It is through our Spank Bank and fantasies that our sexuality is grown and developed if used in a loving and healthy, non-judgmental way, so enjoy!!!

Again if you are struggling with healthy use of pornography and self-pleasuring, please reach out to a non-judgement sexual wellness coach, therapist or counselor today.

Until next time stay happy, horny and be open to exploration!

Gaia Shawna Morrissette

www.succulentliving.com

5 Secrets to the best oral service ever!

By Wicked Wanda's
on January 02, 2016
5 Secrets to the best oral service ever!

Well boys and girls, it’s your turn to discover and develop some magical oral skills that will excite and stimulate the woman (or women) in your life. These tips are also great for all the ladies who love the ladies. If you want to help her become a wet, screaming, moaning mess, here are five easy steps to follow.

            Teasing: The number one complaint I hear from women is that men go for the vagina waaaay too soon. Dudes, the “honey pot” takes time to warm up! Teasing is one of the best ways to encourage the vagina to open up for business. Kiss and softly touch her whole body. Do not touch the vagina or the “end zone” yet. Start to kiss and lick down her belly and move your mouth towards her “mound” or pubic bone. As you pass over it, lightly blow warm air, getting so close to her that she thinks you are going to put it in your mouth… then don’t. Instead, continue to lick her inner thigh. I know it sounds evil but trust me, taking the time to tease her now will mean less work for you later! Keep the teasing up until the magic moment when her vagina starts to follow you. At this point, she may be writhing, begging, or even whining for you to lick her. Then, and only then, gently lick her vagina and put her into your mouth. Just remember not to attack the vulva like you have not eaten in days.

            Pressure: Each vagina likes different levels of pressure at different times of arousal, so it is always better to start soft, then slowly increase the pressure with your tongue. Deciphering a woman’s pressure preferences has a lot to do with reading her body language, which brings me to tip number three.

            Body language: Paying attention to how a woman’s body is physically responding to your tongue’s touch is key. If she is pushing into your mouth she wants more pressure. If she is pulling away, she either wants less pressure or she is working up to an intense orgasm and her body is trying to run away. If you can’t tell the difference between the two, ask her if it hurts. If the answer is “yes,” ease up on the pressure. If the answer is “no,” hold her in place, keep doing what you’re doing, and hang on tight. Listen to the sounds and moans and watch how her leg muscles shake or tense up. Listen to her breathing, if it’s fast and breathy that’s a good sign. If she stops moving or making sounds, that’s your sign to try something new.

            The Moves: It is important to explore the whole vulva with your mouth and tongue, don’t get stuck on the same move. Remember, every vagina is different and every moment with that vagina is different. The best way to figure out where the money spots are at any given time is to map them out. Start with a long lick from the taint to the pubic bone; move up and down and side to side. Important: listen and watch her body language. Lightly suck “the lips” into your mouth, then watch. Lightly suck the clit into your mouth, then watch. Start to explore the clit with different tongue movements like flicking up and down, side to side, or in circle. Try writing the alphabet on her clit with your tongue and…watch! Lightly nibble on her inner thigh and come back to her vulva. Use your imagination. Try inserting a finger inside her vaginal canal. Move slow. This exploration should take 15 minutes or even longer. Don’t forget to keep watching, taking good mental notes of where those hot spots are. (Coming soon: article on fingering and manual loving.)

            Bring it home! If you took my advice and remembered to watch her body language and listen to her sounds, you should have a great idea of what type of pressure and movement works best in all the right places. Now it’s time to return to the spot that is going to drive her crazy to the point of explosion and orgasm. Once her orgasm starts to build, do not change anything you are doing – Nothing! Keep the same pressure, speed, and rhythm until she has her orgasm. If she is not orgasmic, that’s okay. Just keep going until her body language changes or your tongue tries out.

 

Note: Some woman have not been able to feel safe enough to allow an orgasm to happen in their lives. Don't try to make it happen! There is nothing you can do. She needs to heal and figure a few things out on her own first.

If there is a woman in your life who is not able to experience the pleasure of an orgasm, give her my contact information. I help women heal and reclaim their orgasms at www.succulentliving.com.

Now, a little talk about smell and taste. This is not a sexy topic, but an important one. During your teasing stage, you will get an idea of how she smells. If it turns you off, take her hand and say, “Let’s go have a shower together, I’m not feeling clean.” When you have her in the shower, take time to wash her entire body, soap up her vagina, and rinse everything off. Then go back to orally exploring her. If the shower doesn’t fix the taste or smell, she may have a minor yeast infection or imbalance that she is not aware of. Switch things up to manual stimulation and intercourse, but make sure you use a condom. If you pick up her yeast infection, you could end up giving it back to her. Depending on how comfortable you are, you might gently mention your observations 30-60 minutes after you have finished your sexual activity. Try saying, “I don’t know if you are aware but I think your vaginal balance might be off a little.” Tread carefully because this could be embarrassing for her. Stay tuned for more posts on exercises to improve your oral endurance. Until next time, remember dining on “the nectar of the Goddess” has zero calories!

 

Gaia Shawna Morrissette

 Bonus: The proper term for oral sex that is performed on a woman is called “Cunnilingus.”

Want to learn more about how to pleasure the lady in your life? Check out this amazing site with articles and videos!

Getting Naked with Gaia

By Wicked Wanda's
on January 02, 2016
Getting Naked with Gaia

Nine benefits to being a nudist/naturalist! Have you frolicked naked lately? Why not?

Once upon a time there was girl named Gaia. She always felt like there was something wrong with her. Gaia never wanted to wear clothes. She could not understand why the only time you were allowed to be naked was when you had a bath. But, Gaia was a rebel and she loved to break the rules. As soon as she figured out how to get out of her sleepers, she decided sleep naked. She would even run through the house naked, laughing and giggling, while her mother had company. As she grew into a teenager, her life goal became to be naked even when she shouldn’t be, all without getting caught. Even in high school she knew that there was something wrong in society. Gaia wrote an essay on the benefits of being naked that showed wisdom beyond her years.

One day, when Gaia was in her 30’s, one of her friends said, “Come to the nudist resort, you will love it!”

 

Gaia said, “Where is the fun if I’m allowed to be naked?!”

 

After some convicting, Gaia went. The moment she took off all her clothes she felt a freedom like no other. She had found her people and they were just like her!!! So, when it was warm enough, Gaia spent every moment she could at The Ponderosa Nudist Resort

The END

Spending the last three years at a nudist resort helped me to notice the many benefits of fully embracing my nudist self:

            Save money on clothes!

            My skin–and my entire body–are so happy to be able to breathe

            My sensory pleasure has increased tenfold. As a by-product, this has increased the moments of sexual arousal in my life . It is important to understand most nudist /naturalist resort have nothing to do with engaging in sexual activity, it is a safe place to be completely happy in your body (I will talk about this in more detail later articles.)

            It has helped me with my body image issues (which all of us have no matter what we look like) and it re-framed what real naked bodies look like.

            As a woman who has spent her life being sexualized by men, it has been the first time I have felt truly safe to hang out with a group of men without feeling as though I am being sexualized. This has been one of the most amazing and healing experiences of my life.

            In my experience, people have been less superficial and conversations have more depth. As we take off our clothes, we tend to take off the masks we all wear in the world

            One of my greatest insights into myself while I have been on the nudist path is this–I never knew how much I judged people based on their clothes! Now the only way I can figure out whether I would enjoy someone’s company is if I have a conversation with them. I have met so many interesting and intriguing people over the last 3 years.

            Make sure you get enough Vitamin D to prevent sickness and mood disorders

            And a bonus for you sun-worshippers–no tan lines!

 

So it is time to take the risk! Trust me, it is worth it. Woohoo!!

If you relate to Gaia’s story, then you are a nudist. Go and find your people in your area–start by just searching for the terms “nudist’ or “naturalist’ on Google.

If you would like to feel free and comfortable in your body, then let’s start with baby steps: go skinny dipping! At night, walk into the water with you bathing suit on and, when no one can see you, take off your bathing suit and tie it to your ankle. But, it is best to be in a safe environment so you don’t always have to be on edge and afraid that you’re going to get caught, so try to find a nudist event or resort in your area. 

Go enjoy nature as we were meant to!!! Stay tune for the on the do’s and don’ts of being a nudist.

Until next time, frolic naked!!!

Gaia Shawna Morrissette

www.succulentliving.com

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