Can every vulva-owner squirt? Is squirting pee? How can I learn to squirt? I am excited to unpack all of these questions for you in this month’s newsletter series and challenge the negative social stigma of squirting. Before we get into this all, allow me to share a bit of my own personal experience with squirting. Let me be clear - I am not a squirting expert. I have squirted a handful of times in my life thus far and each time it has been spontaneous and surprising. While it was not something that myself or my sexual partner were trying to achieve, each time was pleasurable. I am grateful that the sexual partners I’ve experienced squirting with were into it and did not make me feel any shame around it.
Before my first experience, I had a very negative association with squirting because of my ex-husband’s fixation on it. He watched a lot of porn depicting squirting in an exaggerated and often inaccurate way and was obsessed with me learning to squirt. While I was open to exploring this, he made no effort to learn what he could do to help me achieve this. He thought that saying “come on baby, squirt for me!” during intercourse would magically excite me to the point of female ejaculation. I felt all this immense pressure to master this as a skill for his pleasure rather than my own, and my struggle to do so made me feel inadequate. Not surprisingly, I never got there with him.
When it did finally happen for me, I was with a new sexual partner who was incredibly attentive to my sexual needs and never pressured me. With this person, I was able to fully relax my body during sex. When that partner sensed I was edging closer to climax, he would encourage me to lean into the sensations. He would audibly celebrate my expression of pleasure and tell me how much it turned him on. His ability to gently coax me into going over the edge, is what led me to that first squirt. With squirting, having a sexual partner that makes you feel safe to let go is incredibly important.
There are still a lot of debates around squirting in the academic community because it has been so understudied (as is the chronic case for women’s sexual health in general). Much is still unknown (e.g., whether all women have the anatomical and physiological structures to be able to do it) but we are continuing to learn more. To further explain what squirting is and the known methods for achieving squirting, I have drawn from my favourite expert sources on this topic: Dr. Zhana, Kenneth Play and Lola Jean.
What is squirting?
Squirting, also known as female ejaculation, is when a vulva-owner expels fluid from the genitourinary system during sexual activity. It is possible for the sensations of squirting to trigger an orgasm, or an orgasm to trigger squirting, but these two things don’t always happen at the same time. Squirting is an involuntary reflex, but with practice it can be brought under conscious control. In order for squirting to happen, the urethra and vaginal sphincter muscles have to open up. This may be challenging for some vulva-owners who tend to bear down on these muscles. This is why learning to squirt is about learning to release and let go.
What is the ejaculate made of and where does it come from?
Since squirting has been an understudied topic, the academic community is still debating the contents of the ejaculate and the anatomical structures that it comes from, but there is tentative consensus that there are two different types of ejaculate, both expelled from the urethra.
The first type of ejaculate is a small amount of milky white substance similar to the watery part of semen, which comes from the Skene’s glands. These glands are located on either side of the urethra (the tube that drains the bladder). These are about the size of a pea or smaller. The Skene’s glands are sometimes referred to as the female prostate because they develop from the same tissues in embryos as the prostate in men and their secretions contain traces of prostate-specific antigen. During sexual arousal the Skene’s glands swell up and can secrete a small amount of fluid (approximately between 1-15 ml). The actual function of the fluid produced by these glands is believed to be to lubricate and protect the urethra opening as well as to act as an antimicrobial to prevent urinary tract infections.
The second type of ejaculate has a larger range of volume and is thought to come from the bladder. Depending on when the vulva-owner has peed or how much liquid they have consumed prior to sex, the chemical composition of this ejaculate can range from a high percentage of urine to highly diluted urine. Experimental research has shown that this type of squirting is possible even when the bladder is emptied right before sex. How could that be? Sex scientists think that the bladder may fill up rapidly during arousal, a process similar to that of the genitals filling with blood during arousal. So, while squirt may be mixed with pee if there is some urine left over in the bladder, chemical analysis has shown that the liquid that fills up the bladder is not pee. It’s a clear, odourless fluid that contains prostate specific compounds, as well as glucose. These compounds are not present in urine. The fluid from the bladder is mostly water, with some of the milky substance from the skene’s glands. This type of ejaculate can range in quantity from 50-900 ml. So, if you’re thinking about the gushing squirt that porn generally depicts, it’s this type.
In the following newsletter release, we’ll cover squirting techniques and tools that can help you squirt!
What are some squirting techniques?
Learning to squirt requires trying a whole variety of techniques and positions because every body is different. Here are three stimulation methods to explore for achieving squirting:
Manual: Your hand is a wonderful tool to achieve squirting. You’ll want to start by inserting two fingers into the vagina, about 1-3 inches deep, and then pressing up towards the belly-button. This is where the G spot is located. You will feel the urethral sponge, which swells with arousal and feels kind of like a wet raspberry. Start slowly by massaging it before switching to the “come-hither” or hooking motion (pressing up and then flicking down). Check out this excellent instructional video where Kenneth Play demonstrates how to utilize your arm muscles to rock the hand to optimize this method.
Penetration: You can stimulate the G spot vigorously through penetration with either a penis or a penetrative sex toy. If you’re using a penis, the position will be very important. Cowgirl and doggy style are two sex positions that will allow you to control the angle of the penis towards the G-spot. With a penetrative sex toy in your hand, you may find it easier to target that area for stimulation. One of the best sex toys for this method is the Njoy Purewand because of its hefty weight and curved shape which allows you to rock the toy easily into the G-spot area.
Clitoral: Not everyone needs internal stimulation to squirt. Some vulva-owners can squirt from intense stimulation of the clitoris glans alone. With this method, the key is to have the entire clitoral structure engaged and engorged, so take your time building the arousal to ensure the vulva-owner is fully turned on. You’ll notice visible changes - the pussy will be puffier and the head of the clitoris will be swollen. When the vulva-owner is ready, you can apply intense stimulation to the clit orally or manually. Personally, my favourite toy that has proven successful with this method is a clitoral sucking device like the Melt by We-Vibe.
Squirting isn’t new. It has been recorded by doctors, poets, writers, psychologists, etc. in both eastern and western cultures for thousands of years. In today’s society, squirting is both fetishized and shamed. Squirting is not a sexual superpower… it’s simply something that some vulva-owners do as part of sex. Maybe you have the desire to explore your squirting potential but also have a mental block around squirting being pee. To get that stress out of your mind, simply go to the bathroom before starting sex! When you’re drained and ready, throw down a waterproof blanket to further ease your mind. If you are unable to squirt, that’s normal too. We all have different bodies and experience pleasure in our own ways.
Written by Natalia Jaczkowski