There are many ways to be a great lover - mutual masturbation, anal penetration, fantasy role playing, dirty talk, using toys… oral sex is just one of the tools in the toolbox! Oral sex is a sexual act where one partner stimulates another’s genitals using their mouth, tongue, teeth, lips or throat (also known as oral-genital sex). It is a common sex act among all genders and sexual orientations. From a sexual health perspective, oral sex carries no risk of pregnancy but there is risk of transmitting other STIs. Oral sex includes fellatio and cunnilingus. Fellatio is a term for oral sex preformed on a penis-owner (more commonly referred to as a blow job). Cunnilingus is an oral sex preformed for a vulva-owner (also refered to as: eating pussy, eating box, going down, muff-diving, etc.).
You’ve probably heard of the orgasm gap… well did you know there is an oral sex gap too? Oral sex is loved by women. In fact, a survey of 1,058 women by The Bad Girls Bible found that 90.9% of women enjoy receiving oral sex. A 2017 study in the Journal of Sex Research provided substantial evidence that women are three times more likely to achieve orgasm through oral sex than vaginal sex. Yet, according to research published by the Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality, men report receiving oral sex more frequently than women. Why is this? Unfortunately, the most common reasons have to do with women being self conscious about the way they taste, smell or how their genitals look. With more awareness of this issue and applying strategies for calming such anxieties, we can close this gap!
Oral sex is a wonderful way to learn about your partner’s sexual response that can translate to enhanced sexual skills in other areas. With your tongue and mouth, you can pick up a lot of data about your partner’s sexual response because you can sense the nuances of how their body reacts very well. There is no straightforward one-size-fits-all approach for giving the best oral sex. Pleasure varies from person to person. Some penis-owners like a lot of kissing and licking; others just prefer their dick sucked. Some vulva-owners love their clit sucked intensely; while others prefer being penetrated with a tongue. It’s also important to honour the fluidity of desire. What someone wants one day may not be the same thing they want tomorrow. All this being said, there are some universal tips and tricks that can take your oral sex skills to that epic level:
The next release of this newsletter release will offer you some tips and considerations specific to cunnilingus and fellatio that you can use to fine-tune your oral sex techniques based on your partner’s preferences!
Understanding the anatomy of the vulva is incredibly helpful to improve the quality of cunnilingus you provide… So let's start there! Both the vulva and the vagina can be in play during cunnilingus. The vagina is the inside genitalia, the fibromuscular tube that connects the vulva with your cervix. The vulva is the external part of the female genitalia (the outside part where your clothes touch your skin). The vulva protects the vagina the same way that the lips protect the mouth. The vulva contains the head of the clitoris, clitoral hood and the labia majora and minora. The clitoris glans is the external part of the clitoris, which contains approximately 8,000 nerve endings, making it the most sensitive region of the female anatomy. The clitoral hood is the fold of skin that covers the glans to protect it from rubbing or friction. The labia majora are the outer lips of the vulva, with hair bearing skin and fatty tissue. The labia minora are the inner lips of the vulva, which are fatty but also have erectile tissue, meaning they engorge with blood from sexual stimulation. All of these parts can play an important role in cunnilingus!
Tips and Considerations for Cunnilingus
- Warm-up the pussy! You want to bring blood flow into the area to get the pussy aroused and ready for stimulation before diving in. There are many ways to do this. You can give a “vulva hug” by pressing your cupped hand against the vulva. You can massage the thighs, butt, and the inner and outer labias. Adding lube or your own saliva to increase the wetness is a great idea.
- Use suction! With your lips, create a seal around the glans clitoris and try gently sucking on the glans. You can pull air in to create a miniature vortex of air that encircles the glans.
- Use your tongue! Your tongue can lick and flick the clitoris glans as you suck around it. Depending on the sensations that your partner enjoys, you can use the flat of your tongue swept across the glans to produce broad, soft stimulation or you can use the tip of your tongue for more pin-pointed and intense stimulation.
Fellatio can be difficult for some to perform depending on the length and girth of the penis involved, the size of the mouth of the receiver and whether they have a sensitive gag reflex. Having a gag reflex is a normal thing. It’s a survival instinct inherent to your body, nothing to be ashamed of. You can learn to suppress your gag reflex by practice, for example by touching the back of your throat gently with a toothbrush daily to get your body used to the feeling. You can also try a throat desensitizing spray like the Passion Oral one by Passion Lubricants. It will numb the back of your throat for a short period of time to ease your gag reflex. This is particularly a good product for those who want to try deep throating, an advanced oral sex technique where an erect penis is thrust deeply in the giver’s throat. If this is something you would like to try, the Lie Back Blow Job position is most effective. In this position, the giving partner lies on their back with their head hanging slightly over the edge of the bed. The receiver is standing at the end of the bed where their partner’s face is. From this position, the penis can slide into the giver’s mouth and down their throat more easily.
Tips and Considerations for Fellatio
- Use pressure! It’s not about just moving your head up and down the dick. You want to create a sucking sensation, a vacuum seal of pressure around the dick. As you suck, keep your lips slightly pouted, which helps with the suction and increases wetness so that you can slide up and down the dick easily.
- Use your tongue! You can run your tongue up along the side of the dick to tease and build anticipation. The frenulum (where the foreskin meets the underside of the penis) is an especially sensitive part of the penis that you can lick as well. You can also use your tongue to make circles around the head of the penis before wrapping your lips around it.
Use your hands! You can use your well lubricated hands to stroke the shaft, apply pressure, and stroke the balls (depending on what your partner likes).
Written by Natalia Jaczkowski