Movember: Untangling Erections from Masculinity

Movember invites reflection on issues related to men's physical and mental health. Our goal at Wicked Wanda’s is to create a safe space where everyone can learn more about their bodies and desires. Discussions of men’s sexual health and wellness are often accompanied with baggage and stigma. Masculinity is often measured according to one’s sexual performance, often closely connected to their erection. This blog will unpack some of the ways masculinity becomes mingled with erections, and offer a different perspective for discussing sexual health and wellness. 

Learning and Talking about Sex

To understand how gender impacts conversations of sexual health and wellness, it is relevant to establish gender as a social construct. Masculinity does not emerge from birth, but is rather taught through the reinforcement of behaviours that are deemed socially acceptable. To be a man is not to have a penis, but rather to behave in such a way that is socially understood to be manly.

For many men, pornography served as their first introduction to sexuality. Women in porn become objects that allow young men and boys to align themselves with masculinity (Montemurro, 2021). In this way, porn can construct sexual narratives that inform what “good sex” looks like. So what do these narratives look like? 

The bodies shown on magazine covers and in videos are often thin, white, able-bodied, and posed. Women are framed as desirable and consumable, while men are shown mechanically. The male performer uses his penis as a tool, rather than a source of mutual pleasure and sensuality (Montemurro, 2021). The image of masculinity becomes intermixed with one's capacity to have and sustain an erection.

Having conversations about sex can feel daunting because there is an expectation for pleasure to come easily and naturally. In reality, all pleasure is negotiated, whether experienced alone or with a partner. There are phases of trial, error, learning, and unlearning that contribute to truly enjoyable sex. Having conversations about sexuality is not a sign of failed manhood, but rather demonstrates a deep interest in mutual enjoyment, pleasure, and curiosity. 

The Unpredictable Erection

The erection stands as the primary indicator of male arousal, and yet is far less predictable than many expect. Countless physical and psychological conditions can affect the frequency, duration, and predictability of erections. While finding the source of erectile dysfunction can be helpful, many find the Canadian healthcare system unable to serve this need. The Movember Institute of Men's Health (2026) found that in Canada, only one in four men will return to receive care after having a negative experience during an initial appointment. This demonstrates that not only are men struggling to ask for help, but often the care they receive does not provide the support they need. This lack of medical support only deepens the stigma surrounding erectile dysfunction, as many may be left to feel alone in their sexual health journey. 

Despite being incredibly common, many men struggle to discuss difficulties with erections for fear of being perceived as less masculine (Katz, 2020; Montemurro, 2021). Experiences of erectile dysfunction can lead to withdrawal from sexual activity entirely. Many are worried that without a predictably sustainable erection, they will be unable to satisfy themselves or their partner(s). When sexual pleasure is reduced to the erection, other facets of intimacy get swept away.

In her decades of work and research on living with prostate cancer, Katz (2026) emphasizes the importance of communication in relationships where one party is experiencing sexual side effects. She recommends taking the active step to speak openly about what each party is feeling and experiencing, rather than relying on unspoken assumptions.

Ways Forward

Having conversations about sexual wellness can be incredibly vulnerable and challenging. They require a willingness to unpack assumptions about “good” and “bad” sex that have been ingrained through culture and media. By rethinking masculinity as independent from one's erectile function, the conversation becomes refocused onto one of sustaining pleasure and intimacy. It can be helpful to reflect on the elements of sex that you enjoy the most, and consider ways you could expand your potential for pleasure. Take note of curiosities you have, and bring those ideas into your conversation. It is also important to avoid making assumptions about your partner(s) and how they are feeling. Often, it is impossible to know what they are experiencing without asking them. Focusing on your thoughts, feelings, and experiences through “I” statements will allow you to share your perspective while allowing others to share theirs. 

Education on sexual health and wellness does not begin or end in 9th grade health class. Pleasure and intimacy cannot be managed as “one-size-fits-most”. As we ebb and flow, so too do our desires, bodies, and minds. Maintaining ongoing discussions of sexual health and wellness can open the door for pleasure, intimacy, and fun. These conversations do not challenge one's masculinity, but rather allow for greater opportunities to reinforce confidence and pleasure. 

Written by: Vickie

Citations 

Movember Institute of Men’s Health. (2026). A System Falling Short: Men’s Experiences with Mental Health and Substance Use Services in Canada. https://movember.com/uploads/files/2026/Movember%20-%20A%20System%20Falling%20Short.pdf 

Montemurro, B. (2021). Getting It, Having It, Keeping It up : Straight Men’s Sexuality in Public and Private. Rutgers University Press. https://doi.org/10.36019/9781978817869

(N.D.) Living with Prostate Cancer: Sex with and After Cancer. Prostate Cancer Foundation Canada. https://prostatecanada.ca/about-prostate-cancer/living-with-prostate-cancer/sex-with-and-after-cancer 

Katz, A. (Speaker). (2020). What's a man to do? Sexuality after prostate cancer [Video]. Prostate Cancer Foundation Canada. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LwC_FVUge8w&t=1421s