PORN & YOUR SEX LIFE

Porn is still very much a topic that is considered taboo in our society. Some people deem porn as evil, dirty and even a form of cheating. Many couples attribute their relationship problems largely to porn. Pornography has even been declared as a “public health crisis” in more than a dozen U.S. states because of the belief that it increases risky sexual activity among teens and causes problems in intimate relationships. In 2019, two researchers from Boston University’s School of Public Health published an editorial in the American Journal of Public Health to debunk this claim and explain how dubbing pornography as a public health crisis actually endangers the health of the public. While porn can certainly have negative health consequences on some viewers, this is not the case of the majority of people.

Porn is not inherently bad, but it’s an easy target. Blaming porn for our relationship problems absolves people of personal responsibility. In most cases, porn isn’t really the source of the breakdown in a relationship, but rather a symptom of something else such as communication problems, intimacy issues or a novelty need unmet. When one partner’s porn consumption is much higher than the other persons, the term “porn addiction” can be thrown around too easily. The reality is that porn can either hinder or support our relationships, and figuring this out is individual and contextual

Porn can become a problem when its used as a substitute for sex education. That’s because porn is entertainment, not education. It’s helpful for stimulating arousal but generally mainstream porn does not depict sex in the real world. It’s scripted and highly edited. Pornography is being used as a scapegoat where comprehensive pleasure-based sex education should be accessible. Without access to adequate sex education, adolescents resort to porn to learn about sex, which is problematic for the following reasons:

• Communication is critical to good sex, however pornographic videos don’t typically include conversations between the actors around desire, consent and boundaries 
• Safer sex strategies are often not seen on screen in pornography (e.g., contraceptives and sexually trasmitted infections testing). 
• Porn stars tend to have bodies and genitals that are far from average (larger breasts and penises, symmetrical features, no body hair, etc.), which can perpetuate unrealistic expectations of what a normal body looks like. 
• Mainstream porn does not show the unexpected funny, awkward or messy moments that naturally occur during sex. 
• Some porn can be misogynistic, racist, and violent. 

People can experience real pleasure from watching porn, but it can also warp our expectations about sex when we use it in replacement of sex ed. Porn, like other media, needs to be consumed responsibly. Instead of advocating for the end of all porn, we should be advocating for better sex education and literacy tools so we can consume porn more responsibly as well as other forms of sexualized media that can distort ways people think about sex, bodies and relationships. The next release of this newsletter series will breakdown different types of porn and highlight research on the positive aspects of porn consumption.

Porn can very much be part of a healthy sex life! Research shows us that on average, porn is a positive influence for the vast majority of adults who choose to view it and it can actually improve your relationship. A 2021 study published in Frontiers in Psychology examined associations between relationship quality and pornography use. This study found that shared pornography use was related to higher relationship and sexual satisfaction, and lower sexual dissatisfaction. According to this study, pornography only became an issue in a relationship when there was an imbalance of consumption (similarity-dissimilarity effect) - meaning if one person consumed porn alone and the other partner used little to no pornography alone. A 2022 study used in-laboratory testing with participants and found that higher levels of pornography consumption predicted higher sexual arousal when with a partner. Bascially, watching porn causes an increase in anticipation of sexual interactions, helping to motivate engagement with a partner. 

Our porn consumption habits both shape and reflect our fantasies. Justin J. Lehmiller published the results from the largest and most comprehensive scientific survey of Americans’ sexual fantasies ever undertaken in his 2018 book “Tell Me What You Want.” When he asked participants where they thought their favourite fantasy of all time comes from, 16% said it directly stemmed from something they saw in porn. Through exploring porn, we can discover new sex acts, positions, kinks, etc. When we start watching a new genre of porn, we have the potential for a new interest to set in. This is called the “exposure effect”, wherein the more familiarity we have with something the more we like it (as long as it does not elicit our disgust response). Sometimes, we may become inspired to want to try this new sexual interest in our sex life. There will also be sex acts that we enjoy watching that we will never want to try, but still provide us with psychological stimulation to support our arousal. 

Mainstream porn: Pornography produced and distributed by large porn production companies, like Pornhub. The content is available for free on websites, and the material usually caters to the desires of men (a lot of holes being filled). The content is not explicitly or intentially feminist, queer or alternative. 

Crowdsourced porn: Pornography driven by users, meaning it may be funded by users, developed using the ideas of users, or both. It’s often more reflective of real world sex than mainstream porn. Generally made available through online platforms, it may be funded during production or after their creation through a pay-per-view or purchase model. Profits generated by the sale of these crowdsourced porn films are shared between website owners and filmmakers.

Bespoke porn: Pornography commised by a customer for their personal viewing pleasures, not for mass distribution. The customer may write their own script or simply provide instructions for what is to be portrayed in the porn. Bespoke porn is often niche and fetish oriented, meaning erotic content that you are unlikely to find on mainstream porn sites. 

Ethical porn: Pornography where consent and fair compensation are central to the production. Performers of ethical porn negotiate the sex acts depicted and help script the scenes. It often shows more realistic depictions of sex, including people with more diverse body types and relationships structures. Check out Wicked Wanda’s guide to ethical porn for more information about ethical porn. 

There’s also MakeLoveNotPorn which is in a league of its own. This is a social platform that facilitates sharing of user-generate home sex videos. In these videos, you will see diverse bodies, abilities, orientations, and ages. You will also witness safer sex, more communication, check-ins and after care. Their membership program operates on a revenue-sharing model (50/50 split with the creators). Importantly, MakeLoveNotPorn is not anti-porn. Their tagline is 'Pro-sex. Pro-porn. Pro-knowing the difference.'

If you want to get more into porn, check out the Girls on Porn podcast. Each week, the hosts (Rachel and Laura) review mainstream and ethical porn based on popular search terms to help folks find material for their spank bank. Finally, I want to end this newsletter with this brilliant blog excerpt from Dr. Nicole Prause that captures my general porn-watching advice for anyone: “If you want to try viewing pornography, expect it to be a process. You will likely see some content that makes you uncomfortable. Expect to view some pornography that you will never like, and other pornography that has a possibility to become a new favorite. Keep an eye out for erotica that might help you communicate your wants or needs with a partner.”

 

Written by Natalia Jaczkowski