The Tool You Need For Epic Sex

Jul 27, 2022

When we discuss achieving that mind-blowing orgasm, our sex education encourages us to explore all different types of things, such as different positions, sex toys, or erotica. These are all great, but surprisingly the topic of breath, arguably one of the most vital and intrinsic components of sex, is overlooked. Although if we turn to more advanced and esoteric teachers, they will often go into great length discussing the importance of conscious breathing in the art of lovemaking.

Breathing is our life force; it is a complex natural reflex, and many bodily systems are involved, including those tied to arousal. Every system in our body relies on oxygen reaching our cells through our breath. It benefits our overall health in terms of mental clarity, digestion, regulating the nervous system, and reducing stress levels.

If we feel stressed, for example, slow and conscious breathing is a way to work through resistance and anxiety and helps to bring us back from thought to sensation in the body. Many sex therapists teach conscious and rhythmic breathing to help people gain the relaxation needed to enhance sensuality, intimacy, and orgasm.

If your mind wonders during sex: breathing is your best sex tool

If you struggle to stay present for pleasure, practice some breathing techniques like deep, calming belly breaths to help you relax into your body and experience pleasure. Tuning into your breath and slowing things down helps us get out of our heads, silence our inner critics, and connect to the sensations happening through the body. If you've ever practiced meditation, this may be familiar to you!

Do you hold your breath during orgasm?

Due to cultural taboos around sex, many of us learned to masturbate quietly in our youth to not be heard. As a result, I've met countless people who've conditioned themselves to tense up and hold their breath to orgasm. Although for some people, breathing less is erotic like auto asphyxiators, many have difficulty orgasm with a partner because they've trained themselves to cum in one way that includes tensing up and holding their breath. Switching up your pleasure practice is fun and healthy, so you don't get used to only one way of getting off.

Practice breathwork to feel more connected to your partner(s) and experience more pleasure

Deeper breathing guides us to feel more connected with our partner(s); for instance, synchronized breathing and eye contact can be an emotionally satisfying and sacred exchange between lovers and helps with deeper, stronger, and longer-lasting orgasms.

Shallow breathing triggers a defense mechanism in the body

Shallow breathing during sex can trigger our sympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for directing our body's involuntary response to dangerous or stressful situations and releases stress hormones that increase heart rate and alert the body of potential danger. This is also known as the 'fight or flight response and is not favorable to enjoying good sex because our brain and body are in survival mode. Epic sex and orgasm rely on your nervous system! Slow, intentional breathing helps you stay calm because it's linked to the parasympathetic nervous system, the reflex response for "rest and digest." In a relaxed state, it becomes easier to feel emotionally grounded and turn our awareness to the sensations happening in our bodies.

Try breathing through your nose

Deep, conscious, and rhythmic breathing opens the pathways for sexual energy to travel through the entire body rather than the orgasm only being experienced in the genitals. I invite you to try breathing through your nose, allowing more oxygen to enter your body. This produces nitric oxide, a chemical that relaxes muscles, regulates blood pressure, and increases blood flow to the core and pelvic floor, which is necessary for arousal and orgasm.

Breathing to withhold ejaculation

Practicing breathing techniques can help people with penises who want to delay ejaculation. Slowing down and deepening the breath is a valuable tool to control ejaculation and, for some, even experience multiple orgasms. When you are breathing deeply and quickly, your heart rate will increase. However, your heart rate will decrease when you breathe slowly and deeply. Increased heart rate often signals orgasm is close, but if you can slow down and practice deep belly breathing, you can learn to control ejaculation and expand the feeling of orgasm throughout your body.

TRY THIS! Breathwork for people with penises:

Try to deeply exhale as you thrust and inhale deeply as you pull away. Your erection will remain longer as you 'push back' an orgasm. Try to synchronize your breathing with your partner – it's incredibly sexy!


Try These Breathing Techniques

Synchronized Breathing: This technique matches your breathing pattern with your partner's. Follow their lead by inhaling and exhaling simultaneously. Eye contact can make this extra hot!

  • The Counting Breath:Counting is a common breathing technique where you inhale through the nose for a count of 5, pause, and exhale out the nose for a count of 5.

  • Belly Breathing:This approach engages your diaphragm, contracting it downward during inhalation and exhaling. To practice, place your hand on your belly and inhale deeply through the nose as your stomach pushes outward. Then, breathe out through pursed lips as your hand moves back toward your body.

There is so much more to say about breathing and sex! We will dive more in future posts. Stay tuned!


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