BUTT PLAY BASICS

Many people have a mental block around anal sex because they either stigmatize it as a practice that only gay men partake in or perceive it as a painful sex act. While it might be uncomfortable at first, ass play should never be painful. People enjoy mind-blowing orgasms from anal stimulation, regardless of their gender and/or sexual orientation! You have the power to decide how to feel about your asshole. If you choose to eroticize it, you can make it a beautiful part of your sexuality! 

Becoming comfortable with ass pleasure is a gradual process that requires some mental preparedness - I’m sharing my top introductory tips! First, it’s helpful to understand how your anal anatomy works. 

At the anal opening, there are two rings of muscles: the external schincter (the outer muscular ring) and internal sphincter (the inner muscular ring). Both of these need to relax and stretch open to allow entry of a penis, finger, sex toy, etc. You can voluntarily control the external sphincter, but the internal sphincter reacts involuntarily from pressure, which means it needs some extra coaxing to relax. When you try inserting something into the anus, you will likely sense resistance from the inner sphincter as a reflex. After an initial automatic contraction, it will relax again to permit entry. 

Past the external and internal sphincter muscles is the rectum. It’s a chamber between 10 to 15 cm in length that connects to the colon, where poop is collected and stored. The rectum doesn’t usually have poop unless you feel you have to go to the bathroom. Enjoying anal sex requires getting over the mental hump of “there might be poop!” Of course, there’s a chance of it making an unexpected guest appearance, but this isn’t exclusive to anal; when it comes to sex in general, unforseen bodily functions and fluids occasionally occur. If you’re overly worried about poop, here are some hygienic measures you can consider: 

• emptying your bowels immediately prior to engaging in anal sex;
• washing your anus externally with warm water and soap; and/or 
• using a enema/douche to cleanse the rectum internally. 

Be selective in deciding who gets to explore the wonderful world of ass play with you. It’s a very intimate and vulnerable experience. Pick partners who are understanding and adaptable. People who will help you move on and/or laugh it off if poop shows up. 

Before you engage in anal sex with a partner, it’s wise to explore this part of your body yourself and work on training your muscles to relax. I suggest having a warm shower or bath and touching yourself in this area. You can warm up by using your hands to caress your skin, massage your thighs and squeeze your butt cheeks. Work your way to the anus and experiment with some gentle touching around the external sphincter. Then try inserting the tip of your finger, getting used to that sensation. You will notice that the outer sphincter is more open to play and the inner one takes a bit more time and patience to engage.

Once your body is familiar with that feeling, you can try using sex toys. Butt plugs (we love Mood Naughty and b-Vibe Snug Plug 1 for beginners) or anal beads (Satisfyer Booty Call Anal Plugs) are a great place to start! They come in a range of sizes. Generously lube the plug or beads up, place the tip at the entrance of the anus and slide in very slowly. You don’t want to force it or push it in, just go with the pace of how your body is responding. Once you’ve mastered the plug, you can move onto the dildo. Bodies can be curved differently, so experiment with moving the dildo in various directions, angles, and positions to figure out what is most pleasurable. There are more advanced butt toys that vibrate or inflate. Whatever you use, it MUST have a flared base otherwise you risk it being swallowed up.

Embracing anal pleasure can be so rewarding! It can help make you feel whole in your sexuality and opens up opportunities for simultaneous stimulation of multiple pleasure zones. The most important thing is to be in a calm and receptive state of mind when getting your feet wet. I hope this introduction has made it less daunting for you!